Archive for the ‘culture’ Category

30 Tips to Stay Married 30 Years, Today: #15 Carefully Choose the Hills Worth Dying On

Posted: March 25, 2018 by datechguy in culture
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Ambassador Fox: Your refusal to comply with my orders has endangered the entire success of this mission. I can have you sent to a penal colony for this.
Mr Scott: That you can, sir, but I won’t lower the screens.
Ambassador Fox: Your name will figure prominently in my report to the Federation Central.
Doctor McCoy: Well, Scotty, now you’ve done it.
Mr. Scott: Aye. The haggis is in the fire for sure, but I’ll not lower my defenses on the word of that mealy-mouthed gentleman down below. Not until I know what happened to the Captain.

Star Trek, A Taste of Armageddon 1967

This is the companion of Don’t sweat the small stuff. Carefully Choose the Hills Worth Dying On.

While questions like

  • Do you want a blue bedspread vs a yellow one?
  • What type of flowers do we plant in the front
  • Do you buy Tide or Gain to do the laundry?

aren’t worth a dispute things like…

  • Can we afford this House?
  • How Big a Car Loan can we take.
  • Do we move across the country
  • Do we pay for Private School for the kids?

…are things that are important because they will affect financial and social future of you, your spouse and your kids.  A bad decision here can make for a rough life so such questions have to be worked soberly and carefully, even if it leads to a fight.

Furthermore there may be times when one’s self respect is at stake. While such times are rare and with wisdom may not come up at all, at such times it may be necessary to take a stand that has to provoke a crisis.

There are times to put your foot down in a marriage, if you’re going to do so make sure it’s something more important than pancakes for breakfast or taking the short cut to the party.

If you’re going to fight and die on a hill be damn sure that hill is worth dying on.

Previously in 30 tips to Stay Married 30 Years

30 Tips to Stay Married 30 Years, Today: #14 Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

Posted: March 23, 2018 by datechguy in culture
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Bret Maverick: Waco I’ve never seen a man do so many things wrong. Have you ever been in a Gulf hurricane?

Waco Williams: No.

Bret Maverick: Well, it’s the big pine trees and the thick oaks that get uprooted first. The palm trees are smart. They give with the wind.

Waco Williams: That sounds like pretty good advice… for trees.

Bret Maverick: They live a long time.

Maverick: The Saga of Waco Williams 1959

The next few tips are going to be about fights and disagreements

Any time you have two people together you are going to have disagreement and any time a decision has to be made and there isn’t an odd number of people involved there is going to either be a stalemate, a compromise or someone will have to give in.

The reality is most of the disputes you are going to get into are petty ones, where to eat, what brand of Peanut butter to buy, what color should the furniture or the breadspread be?

That’s where this tip comes into play: Don’t sweat the small stuff

I know everybody says this but that’s because it’s true.

None of these things or the other thousand small decisions in a marriage make a difference toward the success of a marriage but fights arising from these small things can escalate out of control really quick and even if they don’t have the potential to sow the weeds that can multiply over the years and choke a marriage to death.

I submit and suggest that if you’re smart most of the time that on disputes like this you give your opinion but don’t press the issue. Go to her restaurant this week and to yours the next, don’t worry about the color of the wall, let these things go.

There are plenty of rocks that can run a marriage aground, don’t get shipwrecked on a pebble.

Previously in 30 tips to Stay Married 30 Years

30 Tips to Stay Married 30 years, Today’s tip: #13 Angry Gifts.

Posted: March 22, 2018 by datechguy in culture
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Beloved, do not look for revenge but leave room for the wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” Rather, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head.”

Romans 12:19-20

This is something that was an innovation of my wife’s and it is absolutely brilliant.
There was a day I had really made her angry over something, I don’t remember what, but it must have been something big because she left the house steaming.

She ended up at a store and while there saw something that she knew I would like. On an impulse she purchased it for me and came home and gave it to me as a gift.

If there was one thing I wasn’t prepared for it was that. I was completely and pleasantly surprised, particularly given the state she was in when she left and was loud in my pronouncements of gratitude.

It completely diffused the situation. Neither of us could stay mad at that point and the argument was forgotten.

Some time later we found ourselves in a similar situation and this time I had left the house, and remembering her gift to me, I did the same finding something I knew she would like and coming home with it. Once again there was surprise and reconciliation.

It’s very hard to stay angry at someone you are buying a gift for and it’s even harder to stay angry at someone who has given you a gift.

Now I should point out that this tip should be reserved for a real Donnybrook rather than a small tiff but when used in a critical situation it really pays off

The 30 Tips So Far

30 Tips to stay Married 30 years Today’s Tip: #12 Pray

Posted: March 21, 2018 by datechguy in culture
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Rev John Witherspoon: Nowhere do you mention the supreme being. Why surely this is an oversight as how can we expect to win our independence without his help, therefore I humbly offer the following addition to your final paragraph: ‘With the firm reliance on the protection of divine providence.’

1776 (1972)

In the end any relationship is a case of putting up with another person and no matter how much you love, admire and esteem them, in the end there it’s all about being able to cope when the situation isn’t what you’d like it to be.

This is why prayer is so important here.

Prayer places your situation before one who is greater than the two of you. One who like a loving father wishes the success of your marriage and most importantly has both your and your spouses best interests at heart.

Furthermore regular prayer for your marriage creates a in imperative to continue to work at a marriage, even when things are not going as you might want. By keeping that imperative you will find yourself implicitly working toward the very goal you have in mind.

Both Jesus and St. Paul say that marriage creates a single flesh, regular prayer feeds the spiritual needs of that single body and will pay dividends far beyond one’s understanding.

It’s worth noting that this tip was once common knowledge, as the Venerable Fr. Patrick Payton said: “The family that prays together stays together” and at the time when this was the norm, families did.

Take advantage of the wisdom of your great grand parents and pray for your marriage and your spouse. You won’t regret it.

The 30 Tips to Say Married 30 years so far

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