Thus grief still treads upon the heels of pleasure: Married in haste, we may repent at leisure.
The Old Batchelour, 1693:
One of the biggest mistakes people make in marriage is haste. A trip to Vegas, or a rush to a Justice of the peace and suddenly you are in a legal relationship whose failure can cost you plenty.
A long engagement means that you get time to know each other, to spend time with each other, to see how others react in a crisis, to test your judgement. It also gives time to see how you act in conflict because conflicts WILL arise and you need to see how these will be handled.
Now by a long engagement I don’t mean living together, While that does provide some preview of coming events it becomes very easy to fall into the “it’s just a piece of paper” trap, which I will address in a future tip.
In the catholic Church there are meetings and marriage preparation that take place, these allows you to consider things that you have not advised by a person who deals with families every day and has seen marriages work and fail. This is an invaluable tool and a long engagement gives time for it to be used.
Additionally a long engagement give extra time to plan the Wedding date to maximize the chance of distant guests to attend, to give wiggle room in case an issue comes up and to be sure that your Wedding day is a memorable one.
The idea is to have a single wedding day in one’s lifetime, so take the time to make it a good one and it will help make it last.
One month from today I will be celebrating my 30th wedding anniversary.
In an age when we see articles like this from old friend John Hawkins talk about how marriage is a bad deal this is a rare thing.
My standard line is to credit this success to my good luck and my wife’s failing eyesight but the reality is that like anything else the success of my marriage is not accidental and comes from decisions both past and current.
So over the next 30 days I’m going to give you 30 tips in no particular order of importance 30 tips on making your current or upcoming or future marriage last 30 thirty years.
Today’s Tip: Choose Wisely
Eddie Kagle [as Judge Parker]We want to get married.
Minister:Why? [confused looks] Too many people get married today without asking why?
Angel on my Shoulder 1946
This is such an obvious statement that it seems ridiculous to mention it but many people both get married and choose a mate in haste or without considering the most important things to consider.
Is this the person that I want raising my children? Teaching them right and wrong, protecting them?
Will this person contribute to our mutual partnership, if not financially, in terms of morale, in terms of action, or spiritually?
Is this person compatible with me in the morals and beliefs that I wish to pass onto our children?
Can I see myself waking up next to this person in 30 years and being glad that I did?
Today’s culture ignores these questions, encourages people to make rash decisions based on transitory emotions, but without these important practical questions, asked and answered up front, you are going to find that the seeds of failure will be planted right at the start.
A long time ago I was dubbed, I forget by who, “the hardest working blogger at CPAC”.
I have always been proud of that title and every year at CPAC I have done my utmost to continue to earn this title I was given. This was not only for the sake of said title but for the sake of DaWife who was home working and unable to take a week to go to Washington. Thus it has been a very rare thing to see me at a CPAC party, my nights are usually spent uploading video, scheduling posts for said video or recording my DaTechGuy’s Midnight Court segments till late in the morning. And, as oldtime bloggers will attest when I’ve been seen at parties in the past I have had my laptop with me and been seen sitting on the floor with a can of soda and a plate of food next to me as I continue to work.
The Axis of Fedora
This year had a different dynamic for two reasons, the first being that the Gaylord National Harbor forbade me from doing the midnight court in the lobby as I had done the year before (apparently a guest complained) and since DaMidnight court was predicated on grabbing interviews with people returning from events late, setting up on radio row would not do, so I dropped it.
Secondly for the first time ever at CPAC I had company.
Oh not the normal company of other bloggers sharing a room or hanging out. This year I had family.
When I first secured my hotel room thanks the generosity of my readers and the sudden reversal of my working fortunes I asked my wife if she wanted to accompany me, she declined citing February in DC, however my two sons jumped at the chance to go to DC.
It was a big win for them, they had a base to operate from while seeing Washington, the use of the rental to hit DC and because they came as my assistants they were credentialed press giving them access to the press area which gave them not only an excellent view of the President’s speech but a chance to see the MSM up close as they reacted to it (more on that later).
For me the plan was pretty much the same, shoot interviews, upload videos and use my questions to establish the parameters of the President’s support and the chances for the GOP in November. CPAC would be what it always was, 12-15 hour days or more with a few minutes taken to eat here and there.
The presence of these young men however changed this a bit and each in his own way.
Bob and Edith’s Alexandra VA
My oldest is the analytical one. He pointed out things I was missing in interviews in terms of lighting, angels and poses particularly when I was in front of the camera rather than behind it. It’s a constant struggle to see what’s in front of you, that fresh set of eyes made a big difference. He also suggested directions of inquiry and took notes as he observed the media during the Trump speech, the results of which you will see as a guest post in the near future.
My youngest one, while more into the political scene than the older made it a point to introduce me to the joys of the surrounding area. It was he that suggested the trip to VUK that allowed me to discover Lea, the key interview of the trip. He also suggested the trip to Bob and Edith’s Diner taken at 1 AM Saturday morning resulting in a good breakfast, interesting conversation and this short interview with the overnight line cook
In other words, he make sure that I was OUTSIDE the activist/msm/news/blogger bubble for at least a few hours. This not only decreased my tension level immensely but it provided me the chance to speak to actual Marylanders and Virginians who were not there specifically to serve me as a CPAC convention goer and thus more free to be themselves and give their own opinions in conversation.
Furthermore on the final day my sons and I joined Nice Deb, Stacy McCain and others for the final day of the Unsustainable Bartab party put on by the Four Tier Strategies people. In the past I might put a pro-forma appearance at something like this but this time I stayed, introducing my sons around, speaking to friends and sharing a song or two with Stacy & CO as the sober songbird of the bunch (I’m sure there is video of that on the net somewhere) or put simply I relaxed and I’m sure my body which is almost a decade older than when I attended my first CPAC is the better for it.
There was a cost to this of course. I didn’t take my laptop with me to the diner, or to VUK or to the party so I wasn’t uploading and editing. This is why I find myself on my day off from work scheduling posts that a year ago would have already been done by now.
It will be for you, dear reader to decide if I have still earned my old title based on the volume of work and there will be a month’s worth of posts to back up that old claim.
But looking back at it a week later from my own bed I’m very pleased these young men decided to come with me, not only because I’m always pleased to spend time with my sons, but because on reflect I can say with certainty that both in terms of labor and in psyche I had a better CPAC this year because of them.
DaTechGuy at CPAC 2018 The story (blogged) so far:
If you don’t want to wait or my blog posts to see my interviews my youtube channel is here.
Full CPAC 2017 list (for those who feel nostalgic) is here
A reminder I have copies of my Book Hail Mary the perfect Protestant (and Catholic) Prayer available at CPAC with me, price $7 and I will happily sign them for you.
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