Bad Christmas Joke #1
A church group decides to go to the Holy Land over Christmas and they tour all the sites from the upper room to the site of the crucifixion until they get to the place where the shepherds were tending the flocks when the Christ child was born.
They find it’s been turned into a bit of an open zoo with all kinds of animals. In one pen a guide points to a Lion like the one that killed the Man of God when he was tricked into disobeying him (1 Kings Chapt 13) and the party is shocked that in the same pen there is a Lamb walking about freely.
They are incredibly moved remembering the biblical passage about the lion lying down with the lamb and all and consider it a sign. As they are leaving the area the last person in the party notes that none of this seems to move the zookeeper there one bit so as they’re leaving he asks him:
“I guess the whole lion and lamb thing is old hat to you seeing it every day.”
The keeper answers: “Yeah, particularly since we put a new lamb in there every day.”
The New joke:
It’s the Feast of Stephen Boxing Day and Scrooge’s nephew Fred walks into a tavern full of Joy after seeing the change in his uncle and being made his partner when he sees Bob Crachett at a table alone seemingly sad and apparently drunk. He goes over to him and wishes him a Merry Christmas.
Bob looks up with sad drunken eyes: “My wife kicked me out of the house.”
Fred is astonished? Bob what happened from what I understand my Uncle sent you a giant Christmas Turkey, doubled your salary and offered to help you with Tiny Tim and your family?”
“Yes” said Crachett his head bowed, “He even gave me the rest of the day off. I was so happy I left right away to go off and make Merry.”
Fred is confused: “Surely your good wife can’t hold that against you?”
“Oh Mr. Fred”, slurred Bob whose raised his head making his black eye visible, “You didn’t see the look on her face when she walked on us while I was making her.”
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