Da Techguy's (no longer backup) Blog

Rev John Witherspoon: Nowhere do you mention the supreme being. Why surely this is an oversight as how can we expect to win our independence without his help, therefore I humbly offer the following addition to your final paragraph: ‘With the firm reliance on the protection of divine providence.’

1776 (1972)

In the end any relationship is a case of putting up with another person and no matter how much you love, admire and esteem them, in the end there it’s all about being able to cope when the situation isn’t what you’d like it to be.

This is why prayer is so important here.

Prayer places your situation before one who is greater than the two of you. One who like a loving father wishes the success of your marriage and most importantly has both your and your spouses best interests at heart.

Furthermore regular prayer for your marriage creates a in imperative to continue to work at a marriage, even when things are not going as you might want. By keeping that imperative you will find yourself implicitly working toward the very goal you have in mind.

Both Jesus and St. Paul say that marriage creates a single flesh, regular prayer feeds the spiritual needs of that single body and will pay dividends far beyond one’s understanding.

It’s worth noting that this tip was once common knowledge, as the Venerable Fr. Patrick Payton said: “The family that prays together stays together” and at the time when this was the norm, families did.

Take advantage of the wisdom of your great grand parents and pray for your marriage and your spouse. You won’t regret it.

The 30 Tips to Say Married 30 years so far

• #1 Choose Wisely
• #2 A Long Engagement
• #3 Get Married in Church
• #4 Don’t Write Your Own Vows
• #5 Set Limits Early
• $6 Live Modestly
• #7 Embrace Your Mother-In-Law
• #8 If Possible Take Advantage of Your Parent’s Advice
• #9 Don’t Diss your Spouse to your friends
• #10 Remember Birthdays and Anniversaries
• #11 NEVER DISS YOUR SPOUSE ON SOCIAL MEDIA!

The Internet is forever

Modern Proverb

This is the only bit of advice that I have given in all caps but it is about as critical as it gets.

In life there are always frustrations and in the days before the internet people vented in a bar, or to a friend or, as I like to do, take my frustrations out on a pinball machine (nothing better when you need to relax). It can be very healthy to vent one’s frustrations.

However it is not healthy to do so on social media.

Social media is good for many things but venting at a moment in anger isn’t one of them. When angry one is liable to say things that we instantly regret, picture saying or writing said thing on a permanent platform where the world can see it and comment on it, and where it never disappears (don’t think for one moment it won’t get screen caped).

We’ve all made the mistake of saying things in anger to a spouse, don’t compound said error by doing it so on facebook, twitter, snapchat or anywhere else where there will it has the potential of doing permanent damage to a relationship.

Incidentally it goes without saying that this advice is worthwhile for things far beyond marriage.

The 30 Tips to Say Married 30 years so far

• #1 Choose Wisely
• #2 A Long Engagement
• #3 Get Married in Church
• #4 Don’t Write Your Own Vows
• #5 Set Limits Early
• $6 Live Modestly
• #7 Embrace Your Mother-In-Law
• #8 If Possible Take Advantage of Your Parent’s Advice
• #9 Don’t Diss your Spouse to your friends
• #10 Remember Birthdays and Anniversaries

Captain Parmenter: Now Jannie I told you I would write you, and I’ll even send you a birthday present every June.

Wrangler Jane: Thank you, and I won’t open it till November, [sobbing], on my BIRTHDAY!

F-Troop A Fort’s best friend is not a mother. 1966

I was actually planning a different tip to do next but yesterday was DaWife’s birthday so all the plans went out the window, which makes this a perfect time to put up this tip: Remember Birthday’s and Anniversaries.

Granted in these days of smartphones and various planners and Alexa who can remind you of days you’ve forgotten this tip seems almost anachronistic. But remembering a day is more than just knowing what the day is.

It’s actually celebrating said day, showing appreciation for the fact that your spouse is there, even if it just making up a silly song for a birthday (I recommend my “Hooray You’re not Dead!” song) to let said spouse know that you’re glad to share the day with them.

And one should always remember that while stuff is cool it tends to just accumulate, it’s time that is the greatest gift as we all have a limited amount of it (see the song above). Give that time to your spouse on that day and if it means something else goes by the wayside, such as posting is lite, your podcast late or even that the latest tip in the 30 tips to stay married 30 years misses a day, That’s OK too!

Next to your children your spouse and marriage should be of greatest value to you, act accordingly, particularly on the days that celebrate them.

The 30 Tips to Say Married 30 years so far

• #1 Choose Wisely
• #2 A Long Engagement
• #3 Get Married in Church
• #4 Don’t Write Your Own Vows
• #5 Set Limits Early
• $6 Live Modestly
• #7 Embrace Your Mother-In-Law
• #8 If Possible Take Advantage of Your Parent’s Advice
• #9 Don’t Diss your Spouse to your friends

Marisa: Can you keep a secret?
Caroline: Yes of course.
Marisa: Good. So can I.

Maid in Manhattan 2002

This is a corollary to the our last tip about going to parents or older relatives for advice.  There are times when your spouse is going to drive you nuts and you will want to vent about your spouse, when that time comes, make sure you don’t do that venting to friends, particularly in a group.

There is nothing that will start the seeds of trouble in a marriage that gossip about a spouse, and there is no secret less likely to be kept than gossip made about a spouse with a group of friends

One of the best bits of advice I ever heard came from my former radio co-host Joe Mangicotti on the subject of gossip reminding people that the problem with gossiping about people when you’re with a group is sooner or later you will leave the table and the subject of the gossip will be about you. (An example of this literally took place a few minutes ago while I was finishing a previous column in this series while dining out in an intimate public place.  One person commented on the longevity of their marriage and as soon as said person left a company of comments concerning said person’s infidelities was the public talk of everyone around me.)

Gossip within a group or even with a friends has an excellent chance of spreading, particularly in the social media age, back to a spouse who will not be amused to be used as a punching bag in front of other people.  It also has the real potential to backfire on you within said group as well or to cause members of the group to treat your spouse differently which will only add to tensions that exist.

This is one of the easiest ways to break trust and one of the hardest to repair later.

So do yourself a favor, if you’re out with the boys and/or girls and your angry with your spouse about something keep it under your hat and if you aren’t capable of doing so postpone that night out for another time.

Your marriage will thank you for it.

The 30 Tips to Say Married 30 years so far

• #1 Choose Wisely
• #2 A Long Engagement
• #3 Get Married in Church
• #4 Don’t Write Your Own Vows
• #5 Set Limits Early
• $6 Live Modestly
• #7 Embrace Your Mother-In-Law
• #8 If Possible Take Advantage of Your Parent’s Advice