Posts Tagged ‘30 tips to stay married 30 years’

30 Tips to Stay Married 30 Years: #10 Remember Birthdays and Anniversaries

Posted: March 19, 2018 by datechguy in culture
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Captain Parmenter: Now Jannie I told you I would write you, and I’ll even send you a birthday present every June.

Wrangler Jane: Thank you, and I won’t open it till November, [sobbing], on my BIRTHDAY!

F-Troop A Fort’s best friend is not a mother. 1966

I was actually planning a different tip to do next but yesterday was DaWife’s birthday so all the plans went out the window, which makes this a perfect time to put up this tip: Remember Birthday’s and Anniversaries.

Granted in these days of smartphones and various planners and Alexa who can remind you of days you’ve forgotten this tip seems almost anachronistic. But remembering a day is more than just knowing what the day is.

It’s actually celebrating said day, showing appreciation for the fact that your spouse is there, even if it just making up a silly song for a birthday (I recommend my “Hooray You’re not Dead!” song) to let said spouse know that you’re glad to share the day with them.

And one should always remember that while stuff is cool it tends to just accumulate, it’s time that is the greatest gift as we all have a limited amount of it (see the song above). Give that time to your spouse on that day and if it means something else goes by the wayside, such as posting is lite, your podcast late or even that the latest tip in the 30 tips to stay married 30 years misses a day, That’s OK too!

Next to your children your spouse and marriage should be of greatest value to you, act accordingly, particularly on the days that celebrate them.

The 30 Tips to Say Married 30 years so far

30 Tips to Stay Married 30 Years Today: #9 Don’t Diss your Spouse to your friends

Posted: March 17, 2018 by datechguy in culture
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Marisa: Can you keep a secret?
Caroline: Yes of course.
Marisa: Good. So can I.

Maid in Manhattan 2002

This is a corollary to the our last tip about going to parents or older relatives for advice.  There are times when your spouse is going to drive you nuts and you will want to vent about your spouse, when that time comes, make sure you don’t do that venting to friends, particularly in a group.

There is nothing that will start the seeds of trouble in a marriage that gossip about a spouse, and there is no secret less likely to be kept than gossip made about a spouse with a group of friends

One of the best bits of advice I ever heard came from my former radio co-host Joe Mangicotti on the subject of gossip reminding people that the problem with gossiping about people when you’re with a group is sooner or later you will leave the table and the subject of the gossip will be about you. (An example of this literally took place a few minutes ago while I was finishing a previous column in this series while dining out in an intimate public place.  One person commented on the longevity of their marriage and as soon as said person left a company of comments concerning said person’s infidelities was the public talk of everyone around me.)

Gossip within a group or even with a friends has an excellent chance of spreading, particularly in the social media age, back to a spouse who will not be amused to be used as a punching bag in front of other people.  It also has the real potential to backfire on you within said group as well or to cause members of the group to treat your spouse differently which will only add to tensions that exist.

This is one of the easiest ways to break trust and one of the hardest to repair later.

So do yourself a favor, if you’re out with the boys and/or girls and your angry with your spouse about something keep it under your hat and if you aren’t capable of doing so postpone that night out for another time.

Your marriage will thank you for it.

The 30 Tips to Say Married 30 years so far

30 Tips to Stay Married 30 Years Today: #8 If Possible Take Advantage of Your Parent’s Advice

Posted: March 16, 2018 by datechguy in culture
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James McCandles: Do this, do that! I’m gonna do whatever I want!

Sam Sharpnose: You do what he tells you, every time he tells you and we might come through this alive! Might even save the boy. Otherwise you’re gonna get yourself killed. Don’t matter to me, but you’ll probably get him killed too, and that does.

Big Jake 1971

This is one piece of advice that is completely conditional for several reasons:

  • 1. Many people are getting married later so it is very possible that their parents are no longer alive.
  • 2. In this era many people have divorced parents separated by distance or come from a single parent household and never knew one of them.

Nevertheless if you are in a position to get the advice of a parent by all means take it.

Your parents whether successful or not in marriage themselves not only bring years of life experience to the table but are a source of unconditional love and support.  There are going to be times when you need to vent in a marriage and such venting is best with a person with more life experience than you.

Thanks to current technology you are in a position to speak to parents “face to face” on a daily basis in a way that couples in the past can not. Of course if they live close enough to be directly engaged with your family on a regular basis it is even better.

Parents are the best choice, they can see things from outside of a circle of friends, furthermore they are less likely to have a side agenda that they are trying to promote.

Your parents want your life to work, let them help you.

A final thought, if for whatever reason parents are unavailable or inappropriate for such advice, an older Uncle or Aunt can serve this function.

The 30 Tips to Say Married 30 years so far

30 Tips to Stay Married 30 Years: Today’s Tip #7 Embrace Your Mother-In-Law

Posted: March 15, 2018 by datechguy in culture
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Mr. Cornblow: [To the camera after the sheikh’s 28 gorgeous wives exit the bridal tent] Just remember every single one of those girls has a mother.

Groucho Marx of The Marx Brothers A Night in Casablanca 1946 (deleted scene)

One of the first bits of advice I remember hearing on marriage came when I was a little kid talking to my Dad.  He had told me that when he got married his father told him to make sure he treated his mother-in-law better than he treated his mother.

He lived this out   In 1968 he moved out of the neighborhood full of his family to build next door to his newly widowed mother-in-law and helped take care of her as needed till the day she died.

Now you don’t have to go to this extreme but that advice remains good.

Remember your spouse’s family is a part of them, the better your relationship with them the better your relationship will be with him or her.  There are a valuable source of information about what your spouse likes and dislikes if you want to set up a surprise or avoid offense.  Furthermore unless there is a specific break those parents are likely the folks they will confide in case of trouble so they will likely indirectly clue you in if there is an issue that is a potential time bomb that you might be completely oblivious to.

And of course the better your relationship with your in-laws the more active they are likely to be when the children come along.  Grandparents who are present and visible not only makes child rearing easier but will make for happier children.

Now there are some caveats here, if there is a big rift between your spouse and the folks then you have to thread carefully.  If there is a divorce involved while you want to embrace both parents and/or step parents the advantages I speak of will only apply to the parent the spouse is close to and you want to be careful to be not to choose a side that will cause a split with your spouse.

Either way the old saying runs through, you ARE marrying the family when you marry so it behooves you to do your best to make not only a happy home but a happy extended family.

Your spouse will thank you for it…maybe even for 30 years.

The 30 Tips to Say Married 30 years so far

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