Posts Tagged ‘silly’

White House FINALLY moves on Zombie issue!

Posted: March 4, 2009 by datechguy in fun, oddities
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Well it’s taken a while but the White House has according to The Star Village World Inquisitor finally moved on the issue of Zombie Discrimination:

Washington DC – Among growing concern over jobless rates and and basic civil rights for America’s zombie population, the Obama administration announced this week the newly formed Department of Undead Affairs, to be headed by Chicago democrat Fred Murman, who has just been appointed as secretary.

Just what we need an expansion of bureaucracy but the dead are a very important voting block for the Democratic party and Murman is well known in the Chicago undead community:

Hailed as the “Harvey Milk” of his population, Mr. Murman plans on bringing about change and equality for the undead and to open new doorways of understanding between the undead population and the rest of the country.

The Christian right has been vocal in their opposition to any inclusion of the undead in any administration. This could cause some complication for the blue dogs democrats.

“Zombies are people too,” Mr. Murman said upon news of his appointment. “I am pleased and honored to be able to help bring about change for the better.” Among other accomplishments, Mr. Murman has served as a mediator between unions and undead labor groups. He also headed the Office of Undead Transitions in greater Chicago since 1964.

His decades long roots in Chicago made his powerbase totally independent of the late Blagojevich administration. This was likely a major factor in his selection as the administration needed to be sure that any appointment didn’t have that taint. Congress has been silent on the appointment in deference to the blue dogs but privately staffers welcomed the appointment; “He may smell a bit but he has a heart of gold.”

Meanwhile in the Zombie Job Market…

Posted: February 27, 2009 by datechguy in fun
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…times continue to be tough as the Star Village World inquisitor reminds us:

… according to US Labor Department statistics released this week, joblessness and under-employment is disproportionately high among the undead population. A historical high of 24.8% was reached this month, as jobless claims among the undead continued to rise.

Combined with discrimination against the Undead it is a real problem, fortunately its Massachusetts to the rescue:

Massachusetts uses a different means of determining eligibility for unemployment. Under their constitution, the Commonwealth is able to tax the dead and undead alike, making Ms. Glass eligible for state-funded retraining, health benefits, and Affirmative-Action based job placement.

“I thank God for the Socialist Republik Commonwealth of Massachusetts,” Ms. Glass says. “If I unlived elsewhere, I wouldn’t even count as a person.”

In this age of Newspaper failings its nice to know we can get the Star Village World Inquisitor for only a few cents!

Zombie vote wants it’s due

Posted: February 21, 2009 by datechguy in fun
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Today we discover that its not just women and children that are hardest hit by this economy:

Joblessness up 20% among Zombie Population Many claim discrimination in favor of the living.

The Star Village World Inquisitor elaborates:

Lobbyists for the undead that try to peddle their influence on Capital Hill usually get rounded up and thrown into incinerators out of the sheer ignorance of the living. Most people that have been willing to help the undead in their efforts are shunned by others of their kind.

“Only through tolerance can we overcome this burden,” says Car the Zombie, spokesperson for the undead.

Considering the money that is being thrown around it was inevitable that the Zombie population would want its share of the pie, particularly since Acorn has been registering them and they have been a powerful voting bloc in Chicago for decades. Looks like Glenn was way ahead of the curve.

Via Gimmie 5 Cents who proves the economy is worse than we thought. After all during the depression they wanted you to spare a dime, he’s asking half price even with inflation!

On the lighter side…

Posted: February 12, 2009 by datechguy in fun
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…lots of depressing posts today, so go here and cheer up.