Posts Tagged ‘zombie’

He can’t even get the Zombie appointment through.

Posted: March 11, 2009 by datechguy in fun, oddities
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How bad it it appointment-wise for the Obama administration? There is even a scandal involving his new Zombie cabinet position Secretary of Undead Affairs appointment as the Star Village World Inquisitor reports:

An unexpected snag occurred today as members of the senate ethics committee uncovered documents related to Mr. Murman’s death, showing that his family never paid the required death or estate taxes associated with his death. Mr. Murman and his representatives were unavailable for comment on the allegations, brought forth this morning.

The White House is crying discrimination:

“This is precisely the sort of thing that this new post is meant to discourage,” says White House aid Dirk Diggler. “If Murman was a live person, his integrity probably wouldn’t even be questioned. It’s pure bigotry!” Diggler declined to comment on other tax problems Obama appointments have been under scrutiny for, calling it “a coincidence.”

Ted Kennedy however a longtime supporter of the death tax is having none of it:

“It’s bad enough the undead pay no income taxes,” said Senator Ted Kennedy. “er, ah, I mean come on. When you die, you er, ah, need to pay your death taxes. It’s the er, ah, last time you have to pay, and failure to do so is a slap in the face of the living.”

Since reportedly Mr. Murman’s family put the unpaid death taxes in the stock market the funds unfortunately are deader than he is.

Meanwhile in the Zombie Job Market…

Posted: February 27, 2009 by datechguy in fun
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…times continue to be tough as the Star Village World inquisitor reminds us:

… according to US Labor Department statistics released this week, joblessness and under-employment is disproportionately high among the undead population. A historical high of 24.8% was reached this month, as jobless claims among the undead continued to rise.

Combined with discrimination against the Undead it is a real problem, fortunately its Massachusetts to the rescue:

Massachusetts uses a different means of determining eligibility for unemployment. Under their constitution, the Commonwealth is able to tax the dead and undead alike, making Ms. Glass eligible for state-funded retraining, health benefits, and Affirmative-Action based job placement.

“I thank God for the Socialist Republik Commonwealth of Massachusetts,” Ms. Glass says. “If I unlived elsewhere, I wouldn’t even count as a person.”

In this age of Newspaper failings its nice to know we can get the Star Village World Inquisitor for only a few cents!

Zombie vote wants it’s due

Posted: February 21, 2009 by datechguy in fun
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Today we discover that its not just women and children that are hardest hit by this economy:

Joblessness up 20% among Zombie Population Many claim discrimination in favor of the living.

The Star Village World Inquisitor elaborates:

Lobbyists for the undead that try to peddle their influence on Capital Hill usually get rounded up and thrown into incinerators out of the sheer ignorance of the living. Most people that have been willing to help the undead in their efforts are shunned by others of their kind.

“Only through tolerance can we overcome this burden,” says Car the Zombie, spokesperson for the undead.

Considering the money that is being thrown around it was inevitable that the Zombie population would want its share of the pie, particularly since Acorn has been registering them and they have been a powerful voting bloc in Chicago for decades. Looks like Glenn was way ahead of the curve.

Via Gimmie 5 Cents who proves the economy is worse than we thought. After all during the depression they wanted you to spare a dime, he’s asking half price even with inflation!

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