11th Doctor: Yes, I know that, Rory. I’m not exactly one to miss the obvious but we need everything we can get. Okay, Cyber weapons! This is basically a sentry box. So headless wonder here was a sentry. Probably got himself duffed up by the locals. Never underestimate a Celt.
Doctor Who, The Pandorica Opens 2010
Rory: Doctor—
11th Doctor: Hush, Rory. Thinking. Why leave a Cyberman on guard unless it’s a Cyberthing in the box but why would they lock up one of their own? Okay, no, not a Cyberthing. But what? What? Oh! Missing something obvious, Rory. Something big. Something right slap in front of me. I can feel it.
Rory: Yeah. I think you probably are.
11th Doctor: I’ll get it in a minute.
The Sunday before last I went to the supermarket with DaWife getting various things we needed for Christmas. As we were leaving there was a pile of large plush Christmas Stuffed Animals at the checkout for a rather low price. My wife immediately noticed a large three foot tall Gnome and game him a big hug, bigger than the ones I’ve been getting lately and went on about how cute he was.
She was working that weekend and left by 1:45 to go to her job. I also work every Sunday but this Sunday the fellows who ride with me had a different ride so instead of leaving early to pick them up I left early to get the Gnome. I didn’t have time to bring him home and I figured my trunk might be dirty so I buckled him into the passenger seat and took him to work with me leaving him in the car.
It was raining that evening so the problem was how to sneak him into the house. I took off my sweater and wrapped him in it and carried him onto the back porch where there was a large Gnome sized empty box that contained the Christmas Tree that is now permanently set up with what used to be our youngest son’s room but is now our permanent Christmas room. I tossed him in quickly and folded the sides so it could not be seen.
When I came in I was the one surprised as there was a Pinball machine in the den (A 1988 Williams Taxi). I had expected a rental for Christmas but not a week early. I also noticed a large blanket on the side of the machine next to the bookshelf that wasn’t there before. DaWife explained that it was the blanket he used to cover glass as it was brought in (a common thing when moving a pinball machine to help prevent it from being shattered and also if it does break to keep the glass from scattering.) and the fellow decided he might as well leave it there as he would need it when he took it out.
That gave me an idea, the next morning when DaWife went to the washing machine, in the covey of the kitchen I rushed the Gnome in put him in the space between the bookcase and the old entertainment center and tossed the blanket over it. Even with her sleeping directly across from the Pinball machine (she has back issues and sleeps on a recliner I sleep on the couch next to the recliner because what’s the point of being married and sleeping in a room alone) she would not be likely to notice something odd with the blanket thinking it was just over some clutter. I was right, she never noticed it.
The pinball machine gave me my plan, after she went to bed on Christmas Eve I would prop up the Gnome on the pinball machine standing up so when she woke up on Christmas day it would be the first thing she would see. When her sister came on Christmas Eve for dinner I showed her the Gnome under the blanket and explained my plan. She grinned and approved.
My sons were both over for Christmas Eve and decided to spend the night. We went to midnight mass and when we got home they went upstairs to sleep while DaWife got comfortable on her recliner. I waited on the couch watching the recap of the miraculous Patriots win over the Broncos but actually waiting for her to fall asleep so I could set up the Gnome. Finally at 2:30 AM I heard her snoring but to play it safe I waited till about 3:15 AM before I set up the Gnome in front of the black glass wondering if she would wake up in the middle of the night and see the gift.
I woke up at 7:38 AM with a bit of a cramp and noticed she was still out like a light. I decided to go to the 8 AM Christmas Mass since I normally go to daily mass anyways so as quietly as I could I made my way out of the room, got dressed and went to Mass. When I got home I parked in the front of the house and coming in the front door I noticed DaWife’s chair empty but the Gnome still set up on the pinball machine.
Confused I came in and saw her at the kitchen table waiting for the water to boil for her coffee and having banana bread. I asked her how her new friend was and she looked at me very odd asking what I was talking about. Trying not to sound incredulous I made conversation and realized that she somehow had not seen the giant 3 foot Gnome right in front of her when she woke up. I kept hinting that she was missing something but despite my efforts I couldn’t talk her into going back into the den. She simply looked at me confused and slightly irritated.
Eventually one of my son’s woke up and came down stairs and noticed the Gnome I signaled to him to say nothing but we started making remarks that indicated to DaWife that she was missing something she still had no clue. Even when I called him into the room and had him take a picture of the Gnome with the Pinball machine she didn’t get it still sitting at the kitchen table sipping her coffee and watching her phone. This is the picture he just took from the recliner my wife sleeps on. The hands on the bottom right are my hands typing this post.
The 2nd son also came down and I also signaled to him to say nothing and he played along. It is now 49 minutes since I came home as even as I type DaWife still hasn’t noticed the Gnome, ironically as I finished typing that sentence she walked in and finally saw it and then I repeated the story to her as I just wrote it. She hugged it named him Norman and finally understood why were were all confused. She insists that I note that she
- Was running to the bathroom
- Didn’t have her glasses on
And for the sake of peace in the house those things are duly noted
It was not an expensive gift and the you didn’t see it bit took less than an hour but if my sons ever find wives and we have grandchildren for the rest of our lives we will tell them the story of Norman the Invisible Christmas Gnome who Nana couldn’t see right in front of her.
Now if that story isn’t worth $15 bucks I’d like to know what is.
Merry Christmas all!
FYI this week I will be starting my post Christmas Fundraiser to try to get the blog into the black for the year. The goal is $3000 and 5 New $20 a month or 10 $10 a month subscribers. If you wish to keep us going beyond the election to our 16th anniversary please considering kicking in at the TipJar button in the upper left.
Update: DaWife informs me that his name is GNORMAN not Norman I regret the error
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