Yesterday I went to lunch with my two older brothers. The oldest of us is 74 the middle turns 70 this December and I’m bringing up the rear at 61. We are all very different but we have one big thing in common, one marriage very long. I’ve been married 36, the middle one 39 years and my oldest 54 years. That’s a combined 129 years of being married without a divorce.
I’ve failed at a lot of things in life, but marriage is something all three of us have aced.
Of the three of us my oldest brother is the best in managing money and avoiding debt. In fact he said he had done so well lately he insisted on paying for lunch only asking for a fiver to make the tip come out right. He’s not what anyone would call “rich” but he’s doing OK and his children, grandchildren are pretty much set. He was once been asked what was the secret of his ability to make smart financial decisions and avoiding debts.
His answer, getting married at the age of 20 and having a daughter at 21 forced him to be prudent with his cash and make good decisions to keep his family going.
So many people run away from responsibility at 19 and 20 saying they have their whole life ahead of them but the reality is that if you run toward responsibility when you are young you won’t end up living with your parents with a bunch of college debt and no prospect to have a house.
It’s ironic because that’s the trajectory of George “Georgie” Cooper in Young Sheldon. He ends up getting married before 20, having a child before twenty and having to, while raising his own family help keep things together for his mother and sister with his fathers sudden death and eventually grows up to be, as the older Sheldon describes him “A loser who sells more tires than anyone in Texas”.
My brother never got rich but he also only had the one marriage, advantage Tony.
One of the reasons why neither of my brothers are rich is that both while civil servants who worked for the state for decades were incorruptible. Both had plenty of opportunities for graft if they had chosen to take them and had temptation put out in front of them in terms of money and women etc but turned it down.
They were wise enough to recognize these temptations as traps because once you cross that line those who know you did or find out you did own you. I suspect this drives a lot of the corruption in both the state and federal governments , people crossing the line, people who want favors using that to gain more favors. That’s how a Joe Biden and a Nancy Pelosi become multi millionaires on a member of congress’ salary.
I also suspect this is why Joe Biden and the left is so determined to crush the middle class out of existence. A person who is content with a middle class life isn’t owned by others and can’t be easily manipulated.
I arrived second for our lunch yesterday and found one of my brothers sitting outside in the beautiful day for us and sat with him. I had just had a VERY annoying experience in solving a problem that shouldn’t have existed that had put me off and relished the chance to vent about it to my brother outside of other people’s hearing. It was just what I needed at the time.
One of the hardest things about being the generation whose turn it is to die is you start to run out of people to vent to. You don’t have parents or elders for advice because you’re the elder and the number of people who you’ve known all your life decreases with age as people start dropping dead.
I suspect I won’t have both of my brothers for more than a few years at most. So I plan on taking advantage of this and having regular bi-monthly lunches with them while we still can.
My youngest son realizes this dynamic as well. He walked over to the house after his work yesterday and we spent a hour chatting and then hitting the local 99’s to watch the Bruins be eliminated from the playoffs on a late goal with under 2 minutes (their specialty) It was two hours of talk, chat and company and I found myself talking to him about the times my dad would drive me to the nearest comic book store in Harvard Square which was 60 miles away (this was in the 70’s when such stores were rare) those were good times. My youngest is a lot like my father, gregarious, cooks up a storm and seems to be loved by everyone around him and he seems to recognize the value of this time we get together while it’s still in play.
That’s wisdom.
One of the few really bright points about the cuts and work and my current shift. My best mass window is the 6 PM mass right after work on Sunday which happens to be the mass my sons attend together weekly. So I am spoiled in terms of time with them lately. Of course at the end of a 10 hour day that starts a 5:17 AM I’m not up for much
Today however I have off, alas my wife will be working but both sons are free so we’ll be heading up to Manchester on a road trip to the Tycoon Arcade (we talked about them during my Pintastic ne 2024 coverage)
While my youngest is into the pinball scene my oldest oldest isn’t a big arcade guy but again it’s the time together that is of value. Last weekend DaWife and I went with him to help setup at a New Hampshire Renaissance Fair where he was volunteering to spend time with a friend. The time together was of great value and as he grows closer to a decision on a vocation within the church these times together become of even more value because if that what he is called to such times will likely cease to exist.
That’s also one of the advantages of not actually having a machine, it gives an excuse to do something and makes such a trip more enjoyable. Because when it comes down to it no matter what you have, whether it’s pinball machines or games or anything else it’s pretty much stuff and how much of the stuff you have do you really use on a regular basis? One of the best parts of getting older is the realization that stuff does not bring happiness. It can be the basis for a pleasant memory but it’s the memory, not the stuff that produces the smile.
I made some pleasant memories with my brothers yesterday. I’ll make some pleasant memories with my sons today. Take my advice and if your day is free or if you have a free day coming up, use it to make pleasant memories with people you like while they are available. It will pay a higher dividend than any of the stuff you aquire.
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