Archive for the ‘catholic’ Category

Satire: Mafia Families and the Priests that Serve them deride Vatican’s Continued Stance against Murder, Theft & Prostitution

Posted: March 24, 2021 by datechguy in catholic, Church doctrine, comedy, culture, entertainment, fun
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Members of the Cosa Nostra were united in their disappointment that the Vatican has not changed their stance concerning the sinfulness of murder, theft and prostitution.

“It’s a real cultural problem.” said a spokesman for the Bocce crime family. “Don Giuseppe was saying just the other day that the church’s stance unfairly stigmatizes people whose culture, tradition and inclination. has steered them in this direction for centuries.”

“It’s a terrible disappointment.” said Fr. Mel A Stophilies of Angel of Light Parish and the unofficial chaplain to the Polenta family. “Why just the other day Dona Polenta was talking about how Pope Francis’ attacks on the mafia had affected her 14 year old grandson who has dreamed of entering the family business since he was five and has just started his career as a runner: ‘Does the Vatican understand what his can do to a 14 year old just staring in the rackets? It can destroy him'”

At the business of Dino and Luigi Vercotti they echoed this statement noting that on the local level their priest have been more supportive.

“At our parish they have been much more caring toward the women in our business just trying to make a living.” Said Dino Vercotti in between answering calls for appointments, “In fact our parish priest Fr. Heretic has been using a more compassionate translation of scripture where Jesus tells the woman caught in adultery in John 9:11: ‘Neither do I condemn you. Go, and from now that’s not sin any more.’ It’s really made both our girls and their customers feel better about themselves.”

In Philadelphia some locals still expressed hope that the Vatican will see the light on these things.

“If the church is going to be part of the world and not hated they need to change with the times and recognize that the acceptance of things like adultery, theft and the occasional murder (as long as it doesn’t cross the wrong racial lines) is where society is.” said Fr. Morty Sine “After all if they took those lessons to heart have spent hours filling in and delivering ballots in the wee hours after election day? If they hadn’t done that Rome would not have been able to celebrate the election of only the 2nd Catholic president of the United States.”

“After all one man’s sin is another’s way of life.” said Fr Terr. I know our parish has greatly benefited from the support we have given the local families and I’m sure eventually the Church will see the advantages of such an arrangement.

NO MASS FOR YOU! (but give us your money)

Posted: March 13, 2021 by datechguy in catholic
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Saw this at Don Surber via disclose TV concerning the finances at the Vatican under Francis:

The Vatican admits it has nearly depleted its financial reserves and pleads for more donations from the faithful.


“The Vatican published its 2021 budget in its latest effort at greater transparency. It seeks to reassure donors that money is being well spent after mismanagement.

The irony is this story comes a day after this one:

For decades thousands upon thousands of resident priests and student priests and curial priests and pilgrim priests said their Masses at the many altars of the Basilica.

That’s gone. Suppressed to force priests to concelebrate, which is absolutely APPALLING.

Think about this for a second, these people are suppressing the Holy sacrifice of the Mass at St. Peter’s in the Vatican and yet they expect the actual faithful to give them money!?

Cripes I know Francis has been very explicit on the existence of the Devil (which along with his stress on mercy are one of this few good points) but I suggest it’s not necessary for him to give him run of St. Peter’s to drive the point home.

Given this order you’d think that they’d go to the enemies of the faith for their cash just like we’ve seen happen in America with the current administration but those folks are too smart for that. Why should they pay for what this pontificate has been giving them for free? Plus you never know when the Holy Spirit might kick into gear and suddenly those millions might end up actually being used to save souls.

That’s one of the things about having a continual line of Popes since the days of St. Peter, you’re bound to get a few Lemons in there and given the run of Saints that have been in the Chair of St. Peter the law of averages was bound to kick in.

Pray for him.

And don’t leave the church over this stuff, that’s the trap for actual believers the truth of Christ and his Church is eternal, this situation isn’t.

Ash Wednesday: Even Now

Posted: February 17, 2021 by datechguy in catholic, Church doctrine
Me? You want me to Join You?

Jesus: Matthew, Matthew son of Alphaeus.

Matthew: Yes?

Jesus: Follow me.

Matthew: Me?

Jesus: [laughs] Yes, you.

Simon (Peter): Whoa whoa whoa whoa. What are you doing?

Matthew: You want me, to join you?

Gaius: Keep moving street preacher.

Simon (Peter): Do you have any idea what this guy has done? Do you even know him?

Jesus: Yes.

The Chosen, Season 1 Episode 7

Today is Ash Wednesday and it’s worth repeating the point I made last year about my favorite old testament passage from the Prophet Joel which is the 1st reading at every Catholic Mass today (and which I want to be the 1st reading at my funeral when the day comes).

Even now, says the LORD,
return to me with your whole heart,
with fasting, and weeping, and mourning;
Rend your hearts, not your garments,
and return to the LORD, your God.
For gracious and merciful is he,
slow to anger, rich in kindness,
and relenting in punishment.
Perhaps he will again relent
and leave behind him a blessing,
Offerings and libations
for the LORD, your God.

Blow the trumpet in Zion!
proclaim a fast,
call an assembly;
Gather the people,
notify the congregation;
Assemble the elders,
gather the children
and the infants at the breast;
Let the bridegroom quit his room
and the bride her chamber.
Between the porch and the altar
let the priests, the ministers of the LORD, weep,
And say, “Spare, O LORD, your people,
and make not your heritage a reproach,
with the nations ruling over them!
Why should they say among the peoples,
‘Where is their God?’”

Then the LORD was stirred to concern for his land
and took pity on his people.
Joel 2 12-18

This is for my money the most hopeful passage in the entire old testament and the perfect prestaging for the coming of Christ, the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world, not only because of what it says but because what it doesn’t say. It doesn’t say…

  • Even Now….unless you’ve had an abortion
  • Even now….unless you’ve cheated on your spouse
  • Even now…..unless you are a thief
  • Even now…..unless you are a drug dealier
  • Even now…..unless you are a murder
  • Even now…..unless you are a terrorist
  • Even now…..unless you are an atheist
  • Even now…..unless you promote sodomy
  • Even now…..unless you’ve sold your soul to the devil

and it’s worth noting that there is no political connection

  • Even now…..unless you voted Trump
  • Even now…..unless you voted Biden
  • Even now…..unless you stole an election
  • Even now…..unless you rioted
  • Even now…..unless you’ve been cancelled
  • Even now…..unless you’ve cancelled someone
  • Even now…..unless you’ve pushed transgerderism
  • Even now…..unless you’re transgender
  • Even now…..unless you’re a communist
  • Even now…..unless you’re a fascist
  • Even now…..unless you’re Antifa

Put simply if at whatever place you happen to be in the now you choose to Turn to God with your whole heart you will be shown forgiveness and mercy.

This is actually where we are every single day of our lives, but every Ash Wednesday the church explicitly reminds us of this remarkable fact.

Here’s the video of Matthew discovering it.

The Trump cadaver synod

Posted: January 24, 2021 by John Ruberry in catholic, elections, News/opinion, oddities, politics
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By John Ruberry

Okay, I admit, the headline is provocative, and absolutely click-baity. But stay with me here. In two weeks the second impeachment trial of Donald Trump will begin. Presidents of course can be impeached by the House and removed from office for committing “high crimes and misdemeanors.”

There’s just one obvious problem here. On Wednesday Joe Biden was sworn in as Trump’s successor.

Last year on his Cabinet of Curiousities podcast Aaron Mahnke spoke of a “particularly dark and corrupt moment in the church’s past,” the Catholic church that is. That moment was the trial of Pope Formosus in 897.

The Holy Father was accused of a grab bag of crimes, including perjury, seeking to be the bishop of more than one jurisdiction, and coveting the papacy. Because he was unable to speak in his defense, a deacon was appointed for that task. Formosus was found guilty, he had three middle fingers cut off–the fingers used for blessings–and buried in an obscure cemetery not befitting the Bishop of Rome. His body was quickly exhumed and then dumped in the Tiber River.

If the prior paragraph doesn’t make complete sense it’s because Formosus, after a five-year papacy, died in 896. His successor was pope for just two weeks, the next pope was Stephen VI, an enemy of Formosus. He called for what historians label the cadaver synod. Stephen ordered the first exhumation of Formosus. His corpse was then dressed in papal robes, propped on a chair, and the conviction process began as there was certainly no doubt of the verdict, despite an earthquake during the trial that might have elicited a few doubts among Vatican officials.

Just as the guilty verdict of Formosus was set twelve centuries ago, so was the House of Representatives’ vote to impeach Trump a second time, just one week before the end of his term. Trump’s chances for an acquittal in the Senate are much better. In essence, the second impeachment process against Trump is his cadaver synod. It’s about making a political statement and playing to the base.

The justifications for the second impeachment from Democrats vary, but the primary goal seems to be preventing the former president from seeking another term in 2024. Another reason for impeaching and removing Trump from office, now moot, was that he possessed the nuclear strike codes. After the first Trump impeachment, House speaker Nancy Pelosi, knowing that the odds of the Senate voting to convict Trump were remote, called the lower chamber’s vote “an impeachment that will last forever.” Presumably this will be a second impeachment that will last forever. Oh, and it’s a splendid way for Pelosi and the Democrats to tar the Republican brand.

A third run for the White House, in my opinion, is unlikely for Trump. The former president will be 78 in 2024; yes, that is the same age as Biden, who is clearly an old 78. Three years is a long time for people in their 70s. And in the last 100 years no president who was defeated in a reelection attempt has tried to regain the White House. Only one, Gerald Ford, has seriously considered it. And Trump, again in my opinion, damaged his brand in the last weeks of his presidency by his slowness to condede defeat, his hostile phone call to the Georgia secretary of state asking him to change the election results there, and the riot at the Capitol–which by the way the president did not incite. And the riot, the destructive work of about 1,000 conspirary theorists and other screwballs, was not an insurrection. While Trump is a clearly a unique politician, political moods change. In 1980 Americans weren’t clamoring for Gerald Ford–they wanted Ronald Reagan.

The Trump cadaver synod is a two-minute hate for Democrat politicians and a way, perhaps for the final time, to fill their campaign funds in the name of Trump, and a hate that is being cheered on by the anti-Trump media, who will soon see a drop in readers and viewers now that their enemy is out of office.

In other words Impeachment Part Two is a waste of time.

As for Formosus, his body was recovered by a monk and buried–for the last time–in St Peter’s Basilica. His accuser, Stephen VI, was pope for little more than a year. After the cadaver synod Stephen was imprisoned and then strangled to death.

As for voters, a much more civil revenge will be to return the GOP to majorities in both houses of Congress.

John Ruberry regularly blogs at Marathon Pundit.

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