Archive for the ‘culture’ Category

30 Tips to Stay Married 30 (31) Years #27 Take Culture With a Grain of Salt

Posted: November 3, 2019 by datechguy in culture
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Even if a particular train of thought can be twisted so as to end in our favour, you will find that you have been strengthening in your patient the fatal habit of attending to universal issues and withdrawing his attention from the stream of immediate sense experiences. Your business is to fix his attention on the stream. Teach him to call it “real life” and don’t let him ask what he means by “real.”

CS Lewis The Screwtape Letters Letter #1

If there is one thing that you can’t avoid these days it’s unsolicited advice.

In the old days it would come from friends, acquaintance and relatives, now it comes from everywhere in the culture.

TV, Movies, Talk shows, podcasts, and social media are constantly telling you how you should live, how you should eat, how you should have sex etc etc etc. Furthermore in today’s cancel culture a lot of this is given in terms not just of advice, but as a command, do this OR ELSE.

Now of course both you and your spouse live in the culture, the place and the time where you are so while this bombardment can’t be avoided completely it can be ignored and some of it might even make sense or have merit but all of it, the advice and the culture should be taken in the context of what we said yesterday: No source of advice, not even this post can beat the experience of each day you have together.

The demands of culture are transitory. Even just a few years of marriage will outlast the fads of the day. Once you are talking lustrums (5 years) or decades you will realize just how hollow they truly are.

Take it all with a grain of salt.

The Tips So far”

30 Tips to Stay Married 30 (31) Years: #26 Remember, You Know Your Spouse Best

Posted: November 2, 2019 by datechguy in culture
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Mr. Spock: Mother, how can you have lived on Vulcan so long, married a Vulcan, raised a son on Vulcan, without understanding what it means to be a Vulcan

Star Trek Journey to Babel 1967

It is axiomatic that the more you do something, or someone the more familiar you become with it. This is true with your spouse as well.

It seems almost too obvious to mention but every day you are married you are building up your personal database on your spouse. The longer you live with a person the better you learn their habits, their likes their dislikes, the type of things that set them off and the type of things that make them smile.

This knowledge is a vital tool in your quest for a long successful marriage particularly. No amount of advice, from any source (even this post) is more important than the 1st hand knowledge that you will acquire on a daily basis simply by living together.

Pay attention to this info, make a mental note of it, take it to heart. If you do then not only will your ability to navigate the shoals of life together but it will make the decisions you make together easier to come by.

That simple experience that you get every day is a unique advantage in life, take advantage of it.

The 30 tips so far

30 Tips to Stay Married 30 (31) Years: #25 Take Lucy’s Advice on Starting (or ending) the Day Right

Posted: November 1, 2019 by datechguy in catholic, culture
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 ♪  I just called to say I love you, I just called to say to say how much I care. I just called to say I love you and I mean it from the bottom of my heart ♬ 

Stevie Wonder: Song: I just called to say I love you 1984

Last year DaWife and I went to see the Red Sox sweep the Atlanta Braves in Atlanta and after the series took a run to EWTN to meet up with a lady by the name of Lucy who is familiar to EWTN viewers as the lady who is at the daily mass each morning wearing a white alb.

I interviewed her for my Interviews with Immigrants series but she also took the time to speak to me and my wife and gave us a bit of advice.

Lucy told us to make sure that every single day we tell each other that we love each other and thank each other for being our spouse.

Now this might seem a rather trifling thing but I think it’s not, particularly if it’s at the start of the day.

As we already noted first impressions matter, when the 1st impression of the day is anger, it’s easy for anger to come from it.

But when the 1st impression of the day is positive a different direction beings.

I think Lucy’s advice is worth including here with one small caveat.

You can consider either starting OR ending the day with that expression of love and gratitude.

A day that starts well has a great chance of ending well but a day that ends well can make the difference for the day that will follow.

And remember none of us are promised tomorrow, so if you start or end the day with that expression of love and gratitude if that last day comes unexpectedly, you will not have to regret failing to say those words when you had the chance.

So a hat tip to Lucy for the one Tip that came from outside our marriage

The 30 tips to date:

30 Tips to Stay Married 30 (31) Years: #24 Don’t start The Day Wrong

Posted: October 31, 2019 by datechguy in catholic, culture
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Old Lodge Skins: Am I still in this world?

Little Big Man: Yes Grandfather

Old Lodge Skins: Egh. I was afraid of that.

Little Big Man 1970

There are going to be days that you start angry.

Maybe you had a bad day at work, maybe you got up 1st and saw your spouse or one of the kids left something out that they weren’t supposed to or maybe you just woke up in a pissy mood.

The surest way to make sure things stay that way is to pass that bad start off.

It’s axiomatic that 1st impressions are very important, that’s not just when it comes to meeting people for the 1st time but it also applies to individual days.

If when you see your spouse the 1st things out of your mouth are a scold, that start is going to frame the rest of the day for the entire family and if it happens often it has the potential to make a lot of trouble in the long run.

Life can be really tough, don’t make the day tougher by starting it the wrong way.

(Yes it’s been another long wait between tips but sometimes the tips come to mind and sometimes they don’t)

The 30 tips so far

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