Da Techguy's (no longer backup) Blog

Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor’s goods

The 10th Commandment

This is straight out of the Ten Commandments and is one of the most sensible bits of advice that a couple might get.

In our consumer culture we are constantly bombarded with things we MUST have and even more importantly the idea that if our neighbor has something that we don’t, it’s a problem.

If you’re happy with your TV and it’s working fine, it doesn’t matter if the folks next door got a bigger one.  If your iPhone is working fine and does all you want, who cares if your friend bought a new one.  If your car is running fine, passing inspection and serves all your needs then if the folks next door got a better car, big whoop.

It’s my experience in life that the difference in such upgrades are usually pretty small, and in the end it becomes all about vanity and even if you get this new thing or a model one better than the guy next door, it doesn’t stop them from upgrading and suddenly you find yourselves in a consumer arms race where the only winner is the credit card company.

Forget that arms race and keep that money in your pocket, get things when you need them without worrying about what the next fellow has, and not only will you have less debt but less worry and if that doesn’t convince you think about it this way, the fact that you aren’t bothered by your neighbors new stuff will drive the Jones’ nuts.

Da Tips so far

• #1 Choose Wisely
• #2 A Long Engagement
• #3 Get Married in Church
• #4 Don’t Write Your Own Vows
• #5 Set Limits Early
• $6 Live Modestly
• #7 Embrace Your Mother-In-Law
• #8 If Possible Take Advantage of Your Parent’s Advice
• #9 Don’t Diss your Spouse to your friends
• #10 Remember Birthdays and Anniversaries
• #11 NEVER DISS YOUR SPOUSE ON SOCIAL MEDIA!
• #12 Pray
• #13 Angry Gifts
• #14 Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
• #15 Carefully Choose the Hills Worth Dying On
• #16 Avoid Temptation & Suspicion
• #17 Have an Argument Escape Plan (and or let your spouse use their’s)
• #18 Don’t spoil the kids, particularly early
• #19 A United Front
• #20 Remember Marriage is Work
• #21 Maintain Surprise

King: Take it away, everyday the same thing. Variety! I want something different. Fix me Hasenpfeffer right away!

Shishkabugs (Bugs Bunny short cartoon) 1962

One of the things that is often mentioned as a problem in relationships is the same old thing. Our consumer society pushes the dread of the same old thing for the sake of selling and a lot of people find themselves spending a lot of money on junk because of it.

The same dread is often pushed in relationships today in movies and TV. The dread of the same old thing has been advanced to the point where people are making choices that are toxic for the long term health of a marriage.

The best way to avoid this problem? Maintain healthy surprise in a relationship. Here are a few ways of doing this that doesn’t involve risks that include catching the social disease of the day.

On a random day each month get your spouse a small gift.  This doesn’t have to be anything big, a single flower, a six pack of beer, a little thing.  If you regularly get a coffee, skip it one day and get something for daspouse.  pick a day and that day use those few dollars to a little something for dawife or Dahusband.

And once every three months instead of the small thing do something slightly bigger, a small lunch, a movie.

And once a year instead of the small thing, do something bigger, a show, a fancier dinner, an overnight

This should be independent of regular birthdays and anniversaries and it should also be something that doesn’t break the bank.  The real trick is to keep it random (I suggest using old D & D dice that you’ve put away years ago.

Again it isn’t the size of said gift, it’s the fact that it is completely unexpected that makes it special.

Now I’m sure many of you can come up with better ideas and schemes and naturally you will know your spouse better than me but as long as it’s a bit random and a bit of a surprise you will put an extra smile on your mate’s face and those extra smiles will add up to many years of happiness.

My 30 Tips so far

• #1 Choose Wisely
• #2 A Long Engagement
• #3 Get Married in Church
• #4 Don’t Write Your Own Vows
• #5 Set Limits Early
• $6 Live Modestly
• #7 Embrace Your Mother-In-Law
• #8 If Possible Take Advantage of Your Parent’s Advice
• #9 Don’t Diss your Spouse to your friends
• #10 Remember Birthdays and Anniversaries
• #11 NEVER DISS YOUR SPOUSE ON SOCIAL MEDIA!
• #12 Pray
• #13 Angry Gifts
• #14 Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
• #15 Carefully Choose the Hills Worth Dying On
• #16 Avoid Temptation & Suspicion
• #17 Have an Argument Escape Plan (and or let your spouse use their’s)
• #18 Don’t spoil the kids, particularly early
• #19 A United Front
• #20 Remember Marriage is Work

Prince Arthur: But if you all work all day every day when is the time for Adventure?
Little John: Life is nine tenths work my boy and a little play when you can get it. The same in the greenwood as it is on the Lord’s manor or in Nottingham town

The Adventures of Robin Hood The Youngest Outlaw 1955

One of the real problems of the current culture, particularly TV culture is the idea that marriage is all about the things you do together, the places you go the things you see etc etc etc.

The reality however is quite different.

Marriage is all about waking up each moment with a different person and living your life with them, that means all the normal things of life which means work and plenty of it.

It also means getting along which is also work

And of course your regular paying job of whatever type you have which again means work.

In other words more of the time of your marriage is going to be spent at work and if you come into marriage not knowing realizing this you are in for a nasty surprise.

But if you go into marriage cognizant of this, ignoring what the culture claims and instead prepare to work at it, your odds of staying married a long time will be considerably increased

My 30 Tips so far

• #1 Choose Wisely
• #2 A Long Engagement
• #3 Get Married in Church
• #4 Don’t Write Your Own Vows
• #5 Set Limits Early
• $6 Live Modestly
• #7 Embrace Your Mother-In-Law
• #8 If Possible Take Advantage of Your Parent’s Advice
• #9 Don’t Diss your Spouse to your friends
• #10 Remember Birthdays and Anniversaries
• #11 NEVER DISS YOUR SPOUSE ON SOCIAL MEDIA!
• #12 Pray
• #13 Angry Gifts
• #14 Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
• #15 Carefully Choose the Hills Worth Dying On
• #16 Avoid Temptation & Suspicion
• #17 Have an Argument Escape Plan (and or let your spouse use their’s)
• #18 Don’t spoil the kids, particularly early
• #19 A United Front