Archive for the ‘fun’ Category

This Dusty scroll was discovered hidden in the Reagan Library and explains much that has happened over the last three years.

1

The LORD said to Samuel: “How long will you grieve for Mitt Romney and John McCain who I have rejected and Reagan, whom I have taken back to my bosom? Fill your horn with oil, and be on your way. I am sending you to the GOP field , for I have chosen a President from among their sons and daughters to take my American Children out of the wilderness.”

2

But Samuel replied: “How can I go? The Media will hear of it and destroy any who I anoint?” To this the LORD answered: “Take your dismal poll forecasts along and say, ‘I have come to choose a sacrificial lamb to offer to the Clintons.’

3

Invite the entire potential GOP field to see who might come, and I myself will tell you what to do; you are to anoint for me the one I point out to you.”

4

Samuel did as the LORD had commanded him. When he entered GOP headquarters the insiders of the deep state came trembling to meet him and inquired, “Is your visit peaceful, O political seer?”

5

He replied: “Yes! I have come to select a candidate to sacrifice to Hillary Clinton whom the media have anointed as our next president. So cleanse yourselves and join me today for the banquet.”

6

As they came, he looked at Jeb Bush and thought, “Surely the LORD’S anointed is here before him.”

7

But the LORD said to Samuel: “Do not judge from his appearance or from his lofty stature, or his fine political lineage or even his decent record as governor of Florida because I have rejected him. Not as man sees does God see, because man sees the appearance but the LORD looks into the heart.”

8

Then the party called Governor John Kasish of Ohio and presented him before Samuel, who said, “The Lord has not chosen him.”

9

Next the GOP presented Senators Marco Rubio & Rand Paul both worthy men, but Samuel said, “The LORD has not chosen these ones either.”

10

In the same way the GOP presented sons and daughters, Governor Walker, Carly Fiorina, Mike Huckabee and more before Samuel, and even though some had found favor in the Lord’s eyes like Rick Santorum “He is my true servant but his time has past” and Ted Cruz “He is true but his time has not yet come” and Ben Carson “He is true but I shall task him to shall serve the people through the one I pick ” none of them was the one. So Samuel said to the GOP, “The LORD has not chosen any one of these.”

11

Then Samuel asked the GOP “Are these all the sons and daughters you have?” They replied, “There is still Donald Trump but he’s just a reality star we just keep him around for our candidates to beg for contributions. He’s in the tower.” Samuel said to the GOP elders, “Send for him; we will not begin the sacrificial banquet until he arrives here.”

12

The GOP sent for him and he entered the banquet hall descending from the tower down the escalator with his wife and family. He was an older man with odd orange hair but with strength and vigor of one who was much younger. He had never tasted wine or strong drink and he descended with a family full of youth, handsome to behold and a wife full of beauty and Devoted to the Lord and making a splendid appearance. The LORD said, “There-anoint him, for this is he!”

13

Then Samuel, with the horn of the votes of the people in hand , anointed him in the midst of his brothers and sisters; and from that day on, the spirit of the LORD rushed upon Donald and he was determined to lead his people out of the wilderness of Obama.

14

A few of his brothers immediately accepted the judgement of the voters and offered to serve, others who had worked hard on their own behalf to earn that favor after much soul searching did the same but many more in the elites particularly those who had been anointed before such as John McCain and Mitt Romney openly spoke against the will of the voters and predicted the doom of the party.

15

The spirit of the LORD had departed from Obama, and he was tormented by the thought of his legacy going away. So the servants of the Clintons said to him: “Please! Be not tormented by the scorn of the Lord

16

If your lordship will order it, we, your servants here in attendance will find a candidate among the sons of the GOP who shall be easier to beat than any other. Let our media descend upon him and prop him up so they can later bring him down and the whole country will embrace your legacy and you will feel better.”

17

So Obama then told his servants in the media, “Find me skilled lapdogs that they might play the tune to the people and find our sacrifice to Hillary and my legacy.”

18

A servant spoke up to say: “I have observed that one of the sons of the GOP is a skillful entertainer before the crowds The Donald of NY is a skillful reality TV man. He is also a stalwart donor who has given us cash when needed, besides being an able speaker, and handsome. Moreover, given his past the LORD won’t be with him.”

19

Accordingly, Obama dispatched messengers to the media to prop up Trump above all others within the GOP flock.

20

Then the pundits took Trump and put his rallies on the air and interviewed him daily to raise him above the field.

21

Thus to Obama Trump had entered his service. The media was very fond of him, made him their rating-bearer,

22

and sent the GOP this message, “Allow Trump to remain in my service, for he meets with our approval as a sacrifice to Hillary.”

23

Whenever the spirit from God seized Hillary, The Donald would say something, and Hillary, Obama and the Democrats would be relieved and feel better, sure that he would be the sacrifice to cement her victory and the legacy of Obama for all time.

100 Word Fan Fiction “A Drop of Paint”

Posted: January 8, 2020 by datechguy in fun
Tags: ,

“Such poor copies und in wasser too.” The Gestapo man shook his head, “An establishment like yours should do better Herr Maverick.”

The elderly gambler smiled “Herr Hess solders come for the gambling & the ladies, not portraits, besides if they were too good Marshall Goering might whisk them away for his collection!”

Heis refilled his glass laughing at the quip. Maverick nodded, displaying a poker face with sixty years of practice, betraying neither knowledge of the German’s mission nor that only a thin layer of watercolor separated Heis from completing his task to recover what Goering had rightfully stolen.

Previously:

By John Ruberry

Here’s a list of great flops in recent times. Feel free to add your own in the comments section.

Here we go.

Trump impeachment.
Battlefield Earth movie.
The XFL. (Yes, a revival is planned.)
Jussie Smollett’s hate crime.
Joe Walsh’s Republican primary challenge against Trump, as well as those of William Weld and Mark Sanford.
New Coke.
Cop Rock TV show.
Watermelon-flavored Oreos.
Heaven’s Gate movie.
Bernie Madoff.
Jar Jar Binks.
The Cleveland Browns firing Bill Belichick.
ESPN becoming woke.
Theresa May’s call for a snap parliamentary election in 2017.
Cheetos lip balm.
Paris Hilton.
The Big Ten conference inviting Rutgers to join.
Anything related to Anna Nicole Smith.
Mars Needs Moms movie.
Manimal TV show.
Jeremy Corbin’s term as head of the Labour Party.
Pontiac Aztek.
The San Diego Chargers move to Los Angeles.
Beto O’Rourke’s presidential campaign, “I was born to be in it.”
Google Glass.
CNN’s decision to become the impeachment network.
Rosie O’Donnell on The View.
Michael Avenatti’s presidential run.
Enron.
Motorola Rokr phone. (I was given one of these by my employer at the time. It was truly a dreadful device.)
Heinz purple ketchup.

Now some of these debacles can also double as hoaxes, such as the “racist assault on Smollett. And of course the impeachment of Trump, which of course is stumbling along despite the lack of evidence that a crime was committed.

Witch-hunter in chief in the House, Adam Schiff, dabbles in screenplay writing. Perhaps a Schiff-scripted movie might make it on a future list.

John Ruberry regularly blogs at Marathon Pundit.

NY 7 Texas 2

Giancarlo Stanton’s 1st inning grand slam gave the Yanks and early lead and Chad Green’s Key strikeout helped them keep it and New York managed a split with Texas with a 7-2 win at Yankee Stadium.

Stanton’s 1st inning blast would be almost the only problem Mike Clevinger (L 2-1) would have, coming off of a pair of one out singles by Gleyber Torres and Aaron Judge and a ball that nipped Didi Gregorius in the leg. He would pitch into the 7th keeping his team close and persevering a bullpen tired after yesterday’s extra innings struggle.

Meanwhile Texas slowly started to come back against Lance Lynn kept living dangerously. In the 2nd a Freddy Freeman lead off single was, after two outs followed by a single by Francisco Lindor and walks to Jackie Bradley Jr and Tucker Barnhart the latter driving in the 1st Texas run before Michael Brantley popped out to end the threat at 4-1. Lynn would issue five free passes in the 3rd and fourth putting the tying or go ahead runs on only be saved from disaster by double plays in each inning.

Finally in the 5th when, with Mike Trout on 2nd (walk, PB) Nolan Arenado trotted to 1st via the 9th walk four inning the Yanks brought Chad Green (W 1-0) from the dugout to a round of applause. He would leave the mound with the same when he struck out Baez to end the threat. And while he would give up three hits and 1 run on back to back doubles from Bradley JR and Robinson Chirinos in the 6th in his 3 1/3 innings no member of the Thunder would get a free pass.

The same could not be said for Clevinger’s replacement Rasiel Iglesias who in the 8th would load the bases on walks to Stanton and Brett Garnder sandwiching a single to Neil Walker and would then proceed to walk all three of them with free passes to Romine, Hicks and Torres which would be more than enough to secure the Yankees win.

Notes: NY’s win was their first home win of the season. Texas Catcher Tucker Barnhart left the game after being hit by a foul tip from Aaron Judge in the 3rd. Robinson Chrinos came in to replace him. He is considered day to day and not expected to go on the DL. Despite nine walks in 4 2/3 innings none of the people Lynn walked scored. After scoring 22 runs the day before the teams went a combined 2-19 with runners in scoring position (Texas 1-9, NY 1-10) After the off day Texas heads to Boston while the Yanks welcome the Juneau Muffin Men.

Los Angeles 8 Washington 5

LA hit four home runs and five pitchers managed to hold back several Washington comebacks to earn a split in their series with an 8-5 win.

It didn’t look good for Alex Wood in the 1st. Corey Dickerson and DJ LeMahieu each singled to start the game and Anthony Rendon followed suit but center fielder Corey Bellinger came up throwing to nail Dickerson at the plate for the 1st out. Trevor Story walked to load the bases but Washington came up empty when Josh Reddick hit a hard grounder to second that Kiki Hernandez turned into an inning ending double play.

The Dodgers waited but an inning to take advantage of that squander. as Yasiel Puig took Reynaldo Lopez (L 1-1) over the left field fence to lead off and Yasmani Grandal took him to right center with one out giving the Dodgers a 2-0 edge. In the top of the 3rd the Senators again put two men on without scoring and LA answered with a homer when Hernandez took one down the left field line with Bellinger on second. It was 4-0 and looking good for LA

In the fifth Alex Wood couldn’t hold Washington back any longer Dickerson singled and LeMahieu was hit by a pitch then with one out Trevor Story drilled a double to left Scoring Dickerson and sending LeMahieu to 3rd where he would score on Josh Reddick’s grounder. When Jesus Aguilar walked The Senators had the tying run on 1st and 3rd with two outs. LA opted for Ross Stripling (W 1-1) and he manged to get a two out grounder to retire pinch hitter Nick Markakis keeping the score at 4-2.

In the 6th LA widened the lead. Grandal singled off Bobby Poyner and with oe out David Freese drilled a ball to right center that rolled to the wall. Grandal scored and Freese ended up on 3rd and trotted home on Justin Turner’s pinch singe for a 6-2 lead.

But Washington wasn’t done yet. Trevor Story answered with a one out triple of his on in the 7th off Josh Fields and after a walk to Reddick scored on Jesus Aguilar grounder that erased Reddick making it 6-3. An error by Freese sent Aguilar to 3rd and put Kevin Kiemaier on 1st for Matt Wieters representing the tying run but Freese handed his grounder without incident and the lead stayed at 3 till the bottom of the inning when Gandal hit a two run shot off scoring him and Puig making it 8-3 with only two innings to go.

Washington didn’t go quietly Dickerson singled in the 8th and Rendon doubled deep to right scoring him cutting the lead down to 4 and in the 9th a pair of walks off Pat Venditte put two men on with two men out for pinch hitter Marvin Gonzalez who singled off Scott Alexander (S1) drivng in Kevin Kiermaier who reached on a fielder’s choice putting two men on and bringing the tying run to the plate int the person of Corey Dickerson who was already 5-5 for the day. Alas for Washington the law of averages finally caught up with him as he popped up in the infield to end the game.

Notes: This was LA’s first victory against Washington in 4 tries this season. Washington did not lack chances leaving 14 men on base.
Grandal’s 3-4 with 3 RBI’s and 3 runs scored raised his average over the Mendosa line at .205. Marvin Maldonado went 1-2 with a walk on his 1st day back from the DL while Kevin Kiemaiar was 0-2 with a run scored after coming in to replace Hamilton. Despite a .286 avg which equals Swihart and Wieters combined Christian Vasquez was the odd man out behind the plate. LA welcomes 1st place Rivertown next while Washington visits the Vikings.

Vikings 11 Rivertown 2

Rivertown managed only five hits of Jacob DeGrom while the King Ragnar’s boys scored early and often as the Vikings took the final game of their series 11-2

Trouble game quick for Charlie Morton (L 1-2) in the 1st when after sandwiching a pair of K’s around a Gerardo Parra single served a fat pitch to Anthonly Rizzo who it it over 400 feet to right for a 2-0 lead

Rivertown struck back at once as Jacob deGrom (W 2-1) also made a sandwich of a double to Joey Wendle with a pair of K’s when his pitch to Jose Ramirez caught too much of the plate. Ramierz drove it to right center where it rolled to the wall, Peralta scored easily and Ramirez ended up on third with the red hot Paul Goldschmidt up but on a 2-2 pitch he swung just a tad early popping up third to keep the score at 2-1.

The Vikings came right back Morton hit Wilson Ramos to start the 2nd and Eduardo Escobar launched a ball to right not as far as Rizzo’s but just as out to make it 4-1.

That would be more than enough for deGrom who after a single in the bottom half of the frame would not give up a hit till Ramirez’s solo shot in the 7th, but by then the Vikings had added 4 more runs two unearned on a Eddie Rosario double in the 5th scoring Para who singled and Juan Soto who reached on Goldschmidt’s error and two more on a Rizzo single in the 7th scoring Soto who had singled and Para who had reached on a fielder choice. Whit Merrifield’s three run shot in the 8th sealed the deal closing the curtain on Rivertown’s six game winning streak.

Notes:  All but one of Rivertown’s hits off of Jacob deGrom were for extra bases. Ragnar’s Vikings hit three balls against an 18 mph wind blowing in. Paul Goldschmidt finally had a bad day going 0-4 and committing an error but still ended the game hitting .348 meaning Jose Ramirez 2-4 with 2 RBI’s only managed to bring his avg to .196. Whit Merrifield managed 3 hits and 3 RBI but was caught stealing for the 3rd time this season. Ragnar’s Vikings welcome Washington next while Rivertown travels to LA.

Juneau 7 Boston 5

After a wild nine innings where Boston and Juneau punched out 23 hits against 9 pitchers the Juneau Muffin men punched slightly harder completing the sweep of Boston with a 7-5 win.

The hit parade began quietly in the 1st when Harrison Bader led the game off with a double off Dallas Keuchel (L 1-1) he moved to 2nd on an Andrelton Simmon’s grounder to short and scored on a 2nd Grounder by Mookie Betts and it was 1-0.

In the bottom of the inning Boston began things in earnest. Jose Altuve Singled and with one out JD Martinez shot a double to right, Altuve motored home ahead of the throw to tie the game allowing Martinez to reach 3rd on the throw. but with the infield drawn in Christian Yelich’s grounder to 1st couldn’t socre JD and after a walk to Alex Bergman Jose Berrios K’d Rhys Hoskins to leave it at 1-1.

It didn’t stay there in the top of the 2nd Matt Chapman walked with two outs, Andrew Benintendi singled to center, sending Chapman to 3rd and Buster Posey doubled to right scoring them both and Bader singled to left Driving in Posey and suddenly the score was 4-1.

It wasn’t enough in the Bottom of the 3rd Ben Zorbrist and JD opened the inning with singles and Berrios walked Christin Yelich to load the bases. Alex Bregman hit the next pitch to right falling in for a double Zbrist and Martinez scored easily and Yelich beat the throw clearing the bases and sending Bergman to 3rd and Berrios to the showers.

Yoshihisa Hirano (W 1-0) came in coaxed a grounder from Hoskins to first but Joey Votto bobbled the ball allowing Hoskins to reach and Bergman to score and it was 5-4.

But Keuchel couldn’t hold it, Chapman singled to start the 4th Benintendi walked and a Posey grounder put them on 2nd and 3rd with one out. One out later Simmons singled to left scoring them both and Juneau was back on top 6-5.

Juneau had a chance to increase the lead in the 5th. Brock Holt doubled with one out and with two out Matt Chapman singled to center Holt motored around 3rd but Roland Acuna Jr came up throwing to nail Holt at the plate to keep the deficit at one.

Juneau returned the favor right away. Hoskins walked with one out and JT. Realmuto smashed a double off the wall in left Mookie Betts played bounce off the monster perfectly and Hoskins trying to tie the game was a dead duck.

Boston had another chance in the 7th. Martinez singled to open the inning and with two outs Hoskins was grazed by a Joakim Soria curve. Acuna Jr. guessed a fastball was next and drilled it to left for a single but JD remembering Hoskins fate at the hands of Betts held at third allowing Soria to get out of the inning on a curve the Realmuto missed for strike three.

Betts did more damage in the 9th when with Salvador Perez and Simmons on with a pair of singles, he plated Perez with a single of his own giving Boston a two run edge. In the bottom of the inning Martinez singled to right off Trevor Bauer bringign the tying run to the plate with nobody out but Trevor Bauer (S1) fanned Yelich and despite the speedly David Fletcher running for Martinez the Muffen men were still able to convert the 4-6-3 double play on Alex Bregman’s sharp grounder to end the game.

Notes: Despite 23 hits between the two clubs neither team was able to put a ball out, partially due to the 16 mph wind blowing in. Juneau unexpectedly lost the DH in the 4th when they pulled 2nd baseman Scooter Gennett in the top of the inning shifting Holt to 2nd and putting their DH Andrelton Simmons at short. There was speculation that Gennett might have had soreness after his atbat but Mgr Carden indicated it had nothing to do with an injury. While 7 relievers worked a combined 12 innings giving up 10 hits and a walk between them they only gave up a single run. Juneau takes their winning streak to NY while Boston hosts the Rivertown Raiders next.