Archive for the ‘personal’ Category

A personal Story that has nothing to do with Big Tech, Big Media & Election 2020

Posted: February 20, 2021 by datechguy in personal

I have a hatred of thieves that comes from personal experience.

It had been my dram as a kid to own a comic book store and in 1985 long before the days when Chuck Lorie & Jim Parsons would make it cool, I opened that store at age 22 having saved enough between setting up at flea markets as soon as I was old enough to drive and working full time at Raytheon in the Scientific Computer C/enter to do so without debt.

Alas even in those pre-gang and pre-drug days of Fitchburg my store was broken into regularly and stock (mainly baseball cards) whose bubble was just beginning) stolen.

The police were rather indifferent on the subject as it was “only” baseball cards. Neither the fact that I had paid cash for them nor my lack of insurance didn’t seem to provide any motivation on the cases.

After the seventh time I was hit my big brother arranged for a friend to weld an iron gate over the front door that I would secure nightly with a large iron chain put on my front door (we used to call it the home of the caged collectables after that) until a car taking the corner of the street too fast crashed into it and took out my gate and door.

It was a discouraging thing and it put me in a big hole for a long time which caused a lot of tension early in my marriage. When a large established comic book store bought out my competition (which had suddenly opened a month ahead of me just after I bought a large collection which delayed my open opening but that’s another story…) my days were numbered.

This is the origin of my visceral hatred of thieves. To this day the easiest way to activate my temper and one of the things I find hardest as a Christian to forgive is stealing from me, even if it’s just food from the fridge at work.

But I’ll say one thing for the thieves and gate crashers that helped put me in the hole that I was never able to climb out of and the police that never found any of my stock or the people who stole it and even for the people that broke into the indoor flea market where I set up with a stock of Magic Cards years after I closed my business to rob my booth and my booth alone or even the folks who for a while at work found it amusing to steal the lunch of the only white guy in my building not in management before the camera were installed in the new building

None of them after having robbed me or aiding and abetting or covering up for those who did or being completely indifferent to my being robbed when it was their duty to right that wrong insisted that I publicly declare that I was never robbed nor put a disclaimer on my statements that I was.

If you wonder why my tolerance of the left has evaporated over the last few months, wonder no more.

30 (33) Tips to Stay Married 30 (33) Years: # 33 Repeat it Back

Posted: November 22, 2020 by datechguy in culture, personal
Tags: ,

“Quite obviously you don’t think alike,” Kirk said, “or both of you would have offered that remark simultaneously and in the same words.”

“True but not relevant, Captain, if I may so observe,” said Spock Two, “Even if we thought exactly alike at the moment of creation of the replicate, from then on our experiences differ slightly —beginning, of course, with the simple difference that we occupy different positions in space-time. This will create a divergence in our thinking which will inevitably widen as time goes on.”

“The difference, however, may remain trivial for some significant time to come.” said Spock One.

“We are already disagreeing, are we not?” Spoke Two said coldly, ‘That is already a nontrivial difference.”

James Blish Spock Must Die 1970

This was a piece of advice that came up in conversation with a couple who have been married 47 years who my wife and I was visiting. I was so impressed with this piece of advice that it is our final piece of advice.

“When you have something to convey to your partner, when you’ve told them, ask him or her to repeat back what they understood you to say, not what they heard you say but what they understood you to say.”

No matter what the culture or academics say men and women are different but more than that PEOPLE are different and understand things differently. You can have five eye witnesses to an event and each will have a different spin on what they saw.

People in a marriage are no different, they have different backgrounds, different experiences and different way of looking at things, they can see and hear the same thing and come back with totally different interpretations of it.

So when you say something that’s really important don’t assume he or she thinks you mean what YOU think you mean. Ask them to say how they took it.

This has the potential to save days of potential arguments.

My thanks to Mar Mar and Mike for this input. I wish I had heard it 30 years earlier.

The 30 (33) tips so far

30 (32) Tips to Stay Married 30 (32) Years. #32 The Seven Second Delay

Posted: October 10, 2020 by datechguy in culture, personal
Tags:

Miranda: Ummm that was incredible. Was it good for you?

Fletcher: I’ve had better.

Liar Liar 1997

Of all the tips you have read so far this is the one that the two of us have the had the most trouble keeping.

On Radio there is a kill switch or if you know you are dealing with something that can cause grief you will have a seven second delay to allow the engineer, to keep something off the air that will get you in trouble. Marriage is the one other place where that can be most useful.

A seven second delay between the time you think something and the time you decide to say it aloud can be one of the best ways to keep a marriage strong.

The most obvious application is during an argument when someone will blurt out something that they instantly wish they could take back, or in a social setting when one might embarrass one’s spouse but believe it or not it’s OUTSIDE of such situations that this rule is most applicable.

A lifetime of watching sitcoms has had a bad effect in the sense that the idea that a conversation ends with a “zinger” might seem to be the norm, but the reality is that while that a good thing if your goal is to get a laugh from millions of viewers if your goal is a good relationship such a statement to your spouse is more likely to cause grief and not just grief the type of grief that doesn’t get expressed right away and is stored ready to be remembered as a grievance at a time of trouble perhaps even at a critical time.

This is your spouse not your “straight man” and there’s a reason why you haven’t quit your day job to go on tour.

It might take some practice, but getting that kill switch “installed” in your head will pay dividends for years to come.

The 30 (32) tips so far

30 (32) Tips to Stay Married 30 (32) Years #31 Have your Own Money

Posted: September 8, 2020 by datechguy in culture, personal
Tags:

Basil Fawlty: Yes yes, it’s 95 even if I give her ten, I’m still ten up. Polly for the 1st time in my life I’m ahead, I’m winning ah HA HA HA [Mrs. Richards enters] Ah Mrs. Richards how lovely to see you. You’re beautiful vaze that you bought yesterday has just arrived. Now remind me the money that you have there, is it yours or mine?

Mrs. Richards: I told you, it’s mine.

Basil Fawlty: But you’re still  £10 short?

Mrs. Richards: Yes I am!

Basil Fawlty: Polly give Mrs. Richards this would you?

Mrs. Richards: What’s that? [indicating the cash in his hand]

Basil Fawlty: This is mine!

Fawlty Towers Communications Problems 1979

Money is often a cause of trouble in a marriage and one easy way to avoid this is to have your own.

Don’t misunderstand. We don’t mean separate finances, or a separate credit card where you can build thousands of dollars of debt unbeknownst to your spouse (that’s a recipe for disaster). We mean a small amount for personal use.

Each spouse should have some spending money on hand or available for smaller purchases, without feeling like a child asking for an allowance. You want to buy some clothes, books, coffee, comic books, whatever? Set aside a small amount that neither one has to account for. You can choose to spend it, spend it on each other or save it up. It is discretionary and disposable income, and it does not have to be a lot.

By designating an amount as “your spending money” either by keeping some cash back from your check or putting it in an extra bank account if you want something buy something say $50-$200 you don’t have to go begging to your spouse for it or have questions raised when the credit card statement comes in.

DaWife has expanded on this. She has a “fix it” fund that she puts a regular part of her check in, for repairs that need to be done. Last year those included a new shed and fence and this year she’s saving for a patio.

The amounts or what it’s used for (or saved for) doesn’t matter. Having that independence a few dollars provides is meaningful and can help dodge a lot of potential friction over the years.

The 30 (32) tips so far

Older Entries
Newer Entries