Posts Tagged ‘30 tips to stay married 30 years’

30 Tips to Stay Married 30 Years Today Tip: #22 Ignore the Jones

Posted: April 4, 2018 by datechguy in culture
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Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor’s goods

The 10th Commandment

This is straight out of the Ten Commandments and is one of the most sensible bits of advice that a couple might get.

In our consumer culture we are constantly bombarded with things we MUST have and even more importantly the idea that if our neighbor has something that we don’t, it’s a problem.

If you’re happy with your TV and it’s working fine, it doesn’t matter if the folks next door got a bigger one.  If your iPhone is working fine and does all you want, who cares if your friend bought a new one.  If your car is running fine, passing inspection and serves all your needs then if the folks next door got a better car, big whoop.

It’s my experience in life that the difference in such upgrades are usually pretty small, and in the end it becomes all about vanity and even if you get this new thing or a model one better than the guy next door, it doesn’t stop them from upgrading and suddenly you find yourselves in a consumer arms race where the only winner is the credit card company.

Forget that arms race and keep that money in your pocket, get things when you need them without worrying about what the next fellow has, and not only will you have less debt but less worry and if that doesn’t convince you think about it this way, the fact that you aren’t bothered by your neighbors new stuff will drive the Jones’ nuts.

Da Tips so far

30 Tips to stay Married 30 years Today’s Tip: #21 Maintain Surprise

Posted: April 3, 2018 by datechguy in culture
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King: Take it away, everyday the same thing. Variety! I want something different. Fix me Hasenpfeffer right away!

Shishkabugs (Bugs Bunny short cartoon) 1962

One of the things that is often mentioned as a problem in relationships is the same old thing. Our consumer society pushes the dread of the same old thing for the sake of selling and a lot of people find themselves spending a lot of money on junk because of it.

The same dread is often pushed in relationships today in movies and TV. The dread of the same old thing has been advanced to the point where people are making choices that are toxic for the long term health of a marriage.

The best way to avoid this problem? Maintain healthy surprise in a relationship. Here are a few ways of doing this that doesn’t involve risks that include catching the social disease of the day.

On a random day each month get your spouse a small gift.  This doesn’t have to be anything big, a single flower, a six pack of beer, a little thing.  If you regularly get a coffee, skip it one day and get something for daspouse.  pick a day and that day use those few dollars to a little something for dawife or Dahusband.

And once every three months instead of the small thing do something slightly bigger, a small lunch, a movie.

And once a year instead of the small thing, do something bigger, a show, a fancier dinner, an overnight

This should be independent of regular birthdays and anniversaries and it should also be something that doesn’t break the bank.  The real trick is to keep it random (I suggest using old D & D dice that you’ve put away years ago.

Again it isn’t the size of said gift, it’s the fact that it is completely unexpected that makes it special.

Now I’m sure many of you can come up with better ideas and schemes and naturally you will know your spouse better than me but as long as it’s a bit random and a bit of a surprise you will put an extra smile on your mate’s face and those extra smiles will add up to many years of happiness.

My 30 Tips so far

30 Tips to Stay Married 30 Years #20 Remember Marriage is Work

Posted: March 31, 2018 by datechguy in culture
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Prince Arthur: But if you all work all day every day when is the time for Adventure?
Little John: Life is nine tenths work my boy and a little play when you can get it. The same in the greenwood as it is on the Lord’s manor or in Nottingham town

The Adventures of Robin Hood The Youngest Outlaw 1955

One of the real problems of the current culture, particularly TV culture is the idea that marriage is all about the things you do together, the places you go the things you see etc etc etc.

The reality however is quite different.

Marriage is all about waking up each moment with a different person and living your life with them, that means all the normal things of life which means work and plenty of it.

It also means getting along which is also work

And of course your regular paying job of whatever type you have which again means work.

In other words more of the time of your marriage is going to be spent at work and if you come into marriage not knowing realizing this you are in for a nasty surprise.

But if you go into marriage cognizant of this, ignoring what the culture claims and instead prepare to work at it, your odds of staying married a long time will be considerably increased

My 30 Tips so far

30 Tips to Stay Married 30 years #19 A United Front

Posted: March 31, 2018 by datechguy in culture
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A House divided against itself can not stand

Abraham Lincoln

Sir Richard Warrington: We even see a danger of the cabinet perusing it’s own foreign policy
Sir Humphrey: But That’s absurd! The country can’t have two foreign policies!

Yes Prime Minister A Victory of Democracy 1986

Let’s pivot away from the fight game for a bit.

One of the most important things to remember is that as a married couple you are a single unit, no longer just two people but one flesh.

This is a very important thing to keep in mind when dealing with people and groups outside of your marriage, with relatives particularly with your kids.

Let’s start with the kids, the more united you are when dealing with your children the more likely you will be able to direct their path to a better direction, furthermore it will make it much harder for said kids to try and play you and your spouse off of each other. For a lot of basic things you want to be discussing before they come up, if the kid hits you with something you don’t expect, postpone a decision till the two of you can confer the key word here is UNITY

When dealing with groups other than the kids and a decision is either called for pushed at you again the thing to do is to defer a commitment in these situations until you get a chance to make that united front, if a decision can’t be deferred and only one of you are present then make sure any such statement is made with the understanding that you have to consult with your spouse to finalize it.

By all means has things out in private and make your cases but come to a single public position and make sure that’s what is presented to the kids and others.

A united front makes the family stronger, it fosters communication to come to that decision, foils others who want to make things rough for you (and such people DO exist) and most importantly when dealing with family and kids makes sure everyone is traveling int the same direction.

Want a strong marriage, build it on unity.

My 30 Tips so far

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