Posts Tagged ‘parody’

Donald Trump & Discovering the Lost 3rd Book of Reagan

Posted: February 7, 2020 by datechguy in Always look at the bright side of Trump, culture, fun, politics
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This Dusty scroll was discovered hidden in the Reagan Library and explains much that has happened over the last three years.

1

The LORD said to Samuel: “How long will you grieve for Mitt Romney and John McCain who I have rejected and Reagan, whom I have taken back to my bosom? Fill your horn with oil, and be on your way. I am sending you to the GOP field , for I have chosen a President from among their sons and daughters to take my American Children out of the wilderness.”

2

But Samuel replied: “How can I go? The Media will hear of it and destroy any who I anoint?” To this the LORD answered: “Take your dismal poll forecasts along and say, ‘I have come to choose a sacrificial lamb to offer to the Clintons.’

3

Invite the entire potential GOP field to see who might come, and I myself will tell you what to do; you are to anoint for me the one I point out to you.”

4

Samuel did as the LORD had commanded him. When he entered GOP headquarters the insiders of the deep state came trembling to meet him and inquired, “Is your visit peaceful, O political seer?”

5

He replied: “Yes! I have come to select a candidate to sacrifice to Hillary Clinton whom the media have anointed as our next president. So cleanse yourselves and join me today for the banquet.”

6

As they came, he looked at Jeb Bush and thought, “Surely the LORD’S anointed is here before him.”

7

But the LORD said to Samuel: “Do not judge from his appearance or from his lofty stature, or his fine political lineage or even his decent record as governor of Florida because I have rejected him. Not as man sees does God see, because man sees the appearance but the LORD looks into the heart.”

8

Then the party called Governor John Kasish of Ohio and presented him before Samuel, who said, “The Lord has not chosen him.”

9

Next the GOP presented Senators Marco Rubio & Rand Paul both worthy men, but Samuel said, “The LORD has not chosen these ones either.”

10

In the same way the GOP presented sons and daughters, Governor Walker, Carly Fiorina, Mike Huckabee and more before Samuel, and even though some had found favor in the Lord’s eyes like Rick Santorum “He is my true servant but his time has past” and Ted Cruz “He is true but his time has not yet come” and Ben Carson “He is true but I shall task him to shall serve the people through the one I pick ” none of them was the one. So Samuel said to the GOP, “The LORD has not chosen any one of these.”

11

Then Samuel asked the GOP “Are these all the sons and daughters you have?” They replied, “There is still Donald Trump but he’s just a reality star we just keep him around for our candidates to beg for contributions. He’s in the tower.” Samuel said to the GOP elders, “Send for him; we will not begin the sacrificial banquet until he arrives here.”

12

The GOP sent for him and he entered the banquet hall descending from the tower down the escalator with his wife and family. He was an older man with odd orange hair but with strength and vigor of one who was much younger. He had never tasted wine or strong drink and he descended with a family full of youth, handsome to behold and a wife full of beauty and Devoted to the Lord and making a splendid appearance. The LORD said, “There-anoint him, for this is he!”

13

Then Samuel, with the horn of the votes of the people in hand , anointed him in the midst of his brothers and sisters; and from that day on, the spirit of the LORD rushed upon Donald and he was determined to lead his people out of the wilderness of Obama.

14

A few of his brothers immediately accepted the judgement of the voters and offered to serve, others who had worked hard on their own behalf to earn that favor after much soul searching did the same but many more in the elites particularly those who had been anointed before such as John McCain and Mitt Romney openly spoke against the will of the voters and predicted the doom of the party.

15

The spirit of the LORD had departed from Obama, and he was tormented by the thought of his legacy going away. So the servants of the Clintons said to him: “Please! Be not tormented by the scorn of the Lord

16

If your lordship will order it, we, your servants here in attendance will find a candidate among the sons of the GOP who shall be easier to beat than any other. Let our media descend upon him and prop him up so they can later bring him down and the whole country will embrace your legacy and you will feel better.”

17

So Obama then told his servants in the media, “Find me skilled lapdogs that they might play the tune to the people and find our sacrifice to Hillary and my legacy.”

18

A servant spoke up to say: “I have observed that one of the sons of the GOP is a skillful entertainer before the crowds The Donald of NY is a skillful reality TV man. He is also a stalwart donor who has given us cash when needed, besides being an able speaker, and handsome. Moreover, given his past the LORD won’t be with him.”

19

Accordingly, Obama dispatched messengers to the media to prop up Trump above all others within the GOP flock.

20

Then the pundits took Trump and put his rallies on the air and interviewed him daily to raise him above the field.

21

Thus to Obama Trump had entered his service. The media was very fond of him, made him their rating-bearer,

22

and sent the GOP this message, “Allow Trump to remain in my service, for he meets with our approval as a sacrifice to Hillary.”

23

Whenever the spirit from God seized Hillary, The Donald would say something, and Hillary, Obama and the Democrats would be relieved and feel better, sure that he would be the sacrifice to cement her victory and the legacy of Obama for all time.

Son of real-life Fredo may sue Cuomo (Parody)

Posted: August 19, 2019 by datechguy in fun, media
Tags: ,

The son of the man whose father was the basis for Mario Puzo’s Fredo Corleone in The Godfather is threatening to sue CNN anchor Chris Cuomo for defamation of character.
“My father was a good man, an honorable man,” said Salvatore Goomba, 69, of Jersey City, N.J. “That means he was nothing like Cuomo, who has appropriated his name.”

Alfredo “Fredo No Brains” Goomba grew up with Puzo in the Hell’s Kitchen neighborhood of New York City, and the two were classmates until high school.  Salvatore said his father ran with a street gang until 1942, when he was recruited as a soldier by the Luciano crime family “because all the good soldiers were in the Army.”

“He had a pretty rough time breaking into organized crime,” the son admitted. “He misunderstood it when his capo told him to take out a rival. Dad ended up spending the day at Coney Island with the guy.”  On another occasion, when the elder Goomba was told to fit Mangano family gunman Vincenzo Dupatti with “a pair of cement overshoes,” he visited nearly every shoe store in the city before finding out he wasn’t supposed to be looking for footwear, Salvatore said.

Salvatore Goomba said his father remained close to Puzo throughout the 1950s and ’60s and provided the author with much of the background on the Mafia for The Godfather. The pair, however, had a falling out after the best-selling novel was published because Alfredo felt betrayed his character was portrayed as a weak, cowardly dolt.  The rift was partially repaired when the movie debuted. “Dad said he was honored that an actor as handsome and charming as John Cazale played him on screen,” he said.
“Maybe my father wasn’t the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but he made Andrew Cuomo look like a birthday candle next to a spotlight,” the son said. “He was a loving and truthful man, except maybe when he was talking to cops, judges, probation officers and grand juries. And sometimes, maybe, my mom.  “It’s infuriating and embarrassing that someone as low, obnoxious and repulsive as Andrew Cuomo is trying to raise himself through my father’s good name. I guess I can’t blame him for trying to escape from the reputation he’s made for himself, but he could’ve picked another name. I’m pretty sure Jo-Jo the Dog-Faced Boy wouldn’t have minded.”
The elder Goomba was found dead in Mama Patrizia’s Pizza Palazzo in Brooklyn. death was attributed to extreme lead poisoning.

NOTE (DTG) Yes this is a parody piece from Michigan Mick just in case Snoopes can’t figure it out and we’re delighted to have him back even if only occasionally.

The Wisconsin Senate’s ride

Posted: February 17, 2011 by datechguy in opinion/news, politics
Tags: , , , , ,

With apologies to Longfellow

Listen my children and you shall hear
Of the daylight ride of Democrats here,
On the seventeenth of Feb, in Two thousand eleven;
Hardly a tweeter now alive
Who doesn’t remembers that famous day and year.

The protesters said to their friends inside, “If the GOP calls for a vote
count the heads in that chamber to-night,
Keep a bus near the exit ramp
By the side of the steps where we setup our Amps,–
If down by One is what we see;
Then soon to a different state we’ll be,
Ready to ride to foil the plan
Through every village and farm,
For the Union folk to be up and to arm.”

When the count came and the number was known
Onto the bus the Democrats roamed,
The door it did shut and the clutch engaged,
and the waiting Greyhound its progress now made
The State police and Sgt at arms;
Not thinking the Dems would abandon so far
the job the did beg of the voters last qtr,
Through a franchise so dearly bought that they ought to
By their own acts surrender the quota.

Meanwhile, on the left ,through media and tweet
Combined with the Unions there on the street,
With classrooms abandoned and students a wanderin
As teachers threw their trash on the lawn there,
Denouncing the Hitler, the Mubarak of the west,
Who would dare with measured bill try to tread,
Upon the contracts keeping Union coffers fed.

As they climbed the stairs and the buses did roll,
An act by democrats once ‘fore foretold,
Done in Texas repeated up north,
And startled the voters and GOP force
On the somber ride did the dem senate make
Masses and moving shapes of shade,–
Keeping their profile considerably low,
To their presence, denying their foe,
Where they sent the police to listen and look down
A moment to see if they group could be found
Fore the collected members had all skipped town.

Along the highway did the bus roll,
Not heeding gas costs or prices of tolls,
Wrapped in silence so deep and still
That as the border to the state of Il,
The bus it rolled on with care and with skill
Creeping along now safely felt,
And seeming to whisper, “All is well!”
Did the wheels of the bus go round and go round
Of the place and the hour, and the secret dread
Of the lonely hotel the group they did fled;
For suddenly to Rockford they plan was to stay
On a shadowy hotel far far away,
Where the voters just anger could be kept at bay,–
A 3 star resort where inside they could lay
Avoiding the tide of the voters just rage.

Meanwhile, impatient the vote on their mind,
Their colleagues sent officers the runners to find
To eschew their abandonment of responsibilities clear.
That the voters had sent them to exercise here,
But though they gazed at landscape far and near,
No sign of the Senators would now appear,
And turned they without hope to the dems pols quirk;
They tried to find with eager search
But yet as the officers of the law,
Their efforts though noble. continued to fall,
Lonely and spectral and somber and still.
And lo! as their failure reached it height
A glimmer, and then a gleam of light!
The citizen army the teaparty strong,
Determined, connected. an uncommon storm
Took ‘pon them selves to right this great wrong.

A hurry of tweets, and Facebook chatter,
A beacon to tell all what was the matter,
And beneath, the radar of the media sly
And the unions determined to hide out those guys;
That was all! The call it was sent,
The fate of a State and their franchise was met;
For borders and boundaries and a bus drivers flight,
Can not confine the electronic might.
that had sent through their village, the army of Davids,
And beneath the unions and the plan broad and deep,
The word it got out and upon them it creeped;
And under the doors of the Clock Tower Resort,
Now soft on the heels their and their clever retorts,
Is heard the tramp of the teaparty force.

It was twelve by the village clock
When they found the Senate confined in their fort.
The camera did roll and the confrontation made,
And the democrats knew, twas the end of the game,
As tea party forces confront and combine,
The dems did regroup and repeat their old ride.

And like a man caught with a lass without ‘pute,
The dems did re-board seeking alternate route.
They saw the assembled teaparty forces
Their films distributed by Breitbarts large hoards there.
So their meeting-house was then now abandoned,
In hopes of finding a refuge more random,
As if they already stood aghast
At the work that they internet foiled and did crash.

Within a few hours the word was around,
That the prodigal legislatures indeed had been found.
They heard the bleating of the union flock,
That insisted the Governor was in fact in the wrong,
But the eyes of the nation had all now did see
And tweets and blog post did public soon read.
So no one was safe, not asleep in their beds
Had the voters obligingly laid down their heads,
No quantity of spin could now re-define,
What the tea party gave and the public did find.

You know the rest. Again they did roll
In the hopes of finding a more secure hole—
How the Governor called for them to come home,
To end their embarrassing of flights as they roamed,
And honor the voters choice in November,
and to their sworn duty asked them to remember
And as the sun set all here could now ponder,
The results of the Dems and their afternoon wanders.

So as was suggested by the great Jimmie Bise;
That the Union’s last move was not very much wise
But To every voter in village and farm,—
A cry of defiance of pocketbook harm,
A voice in the darkness, a knock at the door,
And a word that shall echo for evermore!
For, borne on the night-wind of post and of tweet,
It is now their judgment that history seeks,
In the hour of darkness and peril and need,
Will the people waken and listen to hear
Will they decide that this act will cost cowards approval?
Or let them continue with business as usual?

Update:
And nothing for traffic does better enhance
Then to receive from the Blogfather an Instalanche

I’m sure most guys will settle for “Promiscuous”

Posted: October 26, 2010 by datechguy in culture, oddities
Tags: , ,

Mike Adams runs an ad.

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