By John Ruberry
After years of calling out the outrages and absurdities of political correctness and its successor, wokeness, I still manage to be regularly shocked. Yesterday I stumbled across a box while grocery shopping that boasted, “Ultra concentrated Tide–turn to cold to use 90 percent less energy***.”
Yes, even laundry detergent has gone woke.
Okay, who wants to save money?
Pretty much everyone.
However, when you look at the triple asterisks–you mean one isn’t enough?–you learn about the cold water claim, according to Tide, it occurs “on average when switching from hot to cold water.”
What if you mostly use warm water laundry washes?
Tide’s propagandistic green marketing push goes back to 2021. The ultimate goal of Tide, which is owned by Proctor & Gamble, is to “save the planet.”
Of course, it is.
When Mrs. Marathon Pundit and I purchase detergent, we look for fair prices, which means we don’t buy overpriced Tide, but more importantly, we want soap that cleans our clothes without damaging them.
That’s all. We are modest folks.
The Marathon Pundit household is confident that the fate of Earth is not connected to our choice of laundry detergent.
As for Tide, it has a sustainability page on its website, where among other things, Tide claims people washing their clothes can “get great results, no matter the water temperature. Tide is specially designed to give you the best clean in every wash, even in cold water. Tide even cleans better in cold water than the bargain brand does in warm.”
Sorry I don’t believe it.
I have reasons to be skeptical of overreaching claims, as I am old enough to remember being told that carbon emissions would lead to a new ice age. That is, until I was lectured by my “betters” that carbon emissions would lead to global warming and the melting of the polar ice caps, as soon as the last decade. Al Gore predicted that last one. Yes, he did–don’t believe the lying fact-checkers.
Not only am I skeptical of leftist claims, but I am also doubly so of marketers’ claims.
As a liberated 21st century male, I do a lot of our family’s laundry. Unless a fabric is super-delicate, most of what I wash is–sorry Tide–done in warm water. Our clothes come out cleaner and there is no soap residue, as is usually the case when, against my better judgement, I wash clothes in cold. With whites I use the hot water cycle.
But Tide tells us cold water is better.
Hogwash.
Oh, my guess is that the marketing geniuses with Tide are out-of-touch rich slobs who have hired help handling their laundry chores.
If you are squeamish, you may want to skip the next three paragraphs.
I’m a runner and I run about 40 miles a week. Athletes’ foot and jock itch, usually caused by the ringworm fungus, is something I have to cope with every summer. The best way to eliminate this pernicious fungus is to wash infected garments in hot water. You hear that, Tide? Color garments might get damaged by hot water, yes, but apple cider vinegar soaking for infected color garments is great way to kill fungus.
Let’s stick with white socks. And if you had any doubts, now you know why athletes wear white socks.
Not only is cooler water, both cold and warm, ineffective in killing fungus, washing in such temperatures runs the risk of spreading the fungus to other garments. Oh, if you have a significant other who you share a bed with and you are infected with a fungus skin rash, and then your partner pulls a sheet from you as you are sleeping, guess who might acquire that rash? Even after your bedsheets go through a full cycle of a cold or warm water wash.
Oh, I’ve unknowingly put on infected clothes months after a failed wash, and guess what happened?
Let’s just say fungi are survivors.
Once again, Tide, I buy laundry detergent to clean our clothes. My way. Without wokeness, haughtiness, and without soap stains and the spread of fungus.
Back to bed sheets: Hot water washes, not cold or warm, kill bed bugs.
And finally, I don’t believe Tide’s claim that using cold water while washing clothes and bed sheets consumes “90 percent less energy.” I’ve been lied to way too many times.
Use Tide detergent. Save the planet. Get bitten by bed bugs. Spread fungal infections.
John Ruberry regularly blogs at Marathon Pundit.
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