A rather silly post concerning of all things a music video and an exchange concerning it really got me thinking about the subject of what it means to be a man and what manhood actually is.
Unlike most people my age my parents grew up in the depression, when times were much harder than they are now (and yes they were harder no matter what anyone tries to tell you) That in itself conveyed a particular side to manhood as did the tales of my grandfather and reading history. There were certain expectation of men, what it meant and how one proved oneself as a man.
Modern times has redefined the rules to a large degree, some of those rules changes are valid, others are not but no matter what society says there are certain things instinctive in men that are constant throughout history. All these things come into play when deciding what a man is and how a man should act.
Many different examples have come up through history, some concerning looks, some style, some strength, some ability, some vitality and the lot, but as I’ve thought hard about the matter particularly in my current situation I think it comes down to a basic premise:
The biggest part of manhood is the ability to face what life throws at you. Life is a cruel mistress, fickle and demanding. It doesn’t care what you’ve done so much in the past, you have to live in the now, and it will come after you and try to break you. The problems may come from work, from home, from illness, from tragedy. The source doesn’t matter, what matters is that life will come at you when you least expect and try to throw you to the ground, either physically, spiritually or emotionally or all of them put together.
The strength and dignity of manhood is the ability to take what life throws and you and still arise. It comes when you can experience hurt and pain, no matter what the source and decide that, you will stand up, brush yourself off and try again. From the bully in the schoolyard, to the trouble at the job, to the pains in the body, through rejection, fear and distress, dishonor and ridicule no matter how awful the source; to rise up and cry “I will not allow it to master me.” That is manhood.
That willingness to stand up to say to the world, I’m not beaten, to put on that brave face even if you are dying inside to inspire yourself and your family saying I will not submit! To stand tall and not let any adversity be used as an excuse to surrender my dignity as a person, my honor as a gentleman or my obligations of any type no matter what the temptation. That is manhood in its truest form.
It can be expressed in as small an act as greeting your wife and children lovingly after a tough day at work, or as intense as facing and IED on the battlefield. It can be holding as simple as holding a door or as annoying as taking an insult without striking back. It can be as certain as accepting the inevitability of death or striving to live a life to its fullest extent.
It is taking a complement without conceit or accepting critique without malice. It is in the offering of aid without request and the ability to accept help offered without embarrassment. It is the an easy rule that is the hardest thing you will ever do.
That is what being a man is, at least in my book. It’s a rough standard and you can spend your entire life striving for it, but in striving for it without surrender, it will be obtained.
