Archive for the ‘culture’ Category

30 Tips to Stay Married 30 (31) Years: #29 Expect Change

Posted: November 8, 2019 by datechguy in culture
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Alex Jensen: …You’re cute. You’re funny. Maybe you’re getting hit on and you don’t even know it.
Leonard Hofstadter: Really?
Alex Jensen: Yep, pretty sure.

The Big Bang Theory The 43 Peculiarity 2012

If there is one thing that constant in the world it’s change.

Everything changes, styles, people, things. Yet some people have the idea that marriage will somehow be different?

Let me give an example: There is an old joke that if a couple puts a nickel in a jar every time they have sex during the 1st two years of marriage and then starts taking one out every time after that 2nd year that jar won’t be empty for many many years.

People’s desires their needs and their sexual drives. While there are no hard and fast rules about this, this is something you need to be prepared for as a couple and make allowances, particularly in situations like tip # 17 Make sure your “escape plan” for a fight doesn’t include going somewhere where you will find yourself anywhere that a person might be expected to be picked up, particularly if said location involves drinking.

Likewise you might have friends of the opposite sex at work but if the sexual situation has changed at home you might want to be a tad more careful how you carry yourself.

And that’s only one type of change, financial situations change, health changes, where you live changes, responsibilities change, where and how you live changes. Some changes might just affect you, others just your spouse, but ALL of these changes, even positive ones are going to affect your relationship and many of them will not be under your control, they just will be.

Being ready willing and able to deal with change will have a huge impact if your marriage is going to last 3 years let alone 30.

30 Tips to Stay Married 30 (31) Years: #28 Togetherness The Default but not Mandatory

Posted: November 7, 2019 by datechguy in culture
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My mother always told us that a person gets married to be with someone and she’s was very right. When you are married you are together, through think and through thin, though the tough times and the easy ones.

So it is with various social and other events. In such situations the default position should be to be beside your wife or your husband.

But note this is the DEFAULT position. There are going to be some rare events and occasions, from concerts to visits where one of you might be absolutely delighted to be while the other may be at best indifferent and at worst absolutely disgusted to be there.

As the old saying goes, one bad apple can spoil a whole bunch and one person unhappy and unwilling can ruin the pleasure of a thing that one may have looked forward to for weeks or even months.

If your wife or husband is set on something that you really don’t want to do, or somewhere you really don’t want to go, let them go with friends or other family and enjoy themselves and above all don’t force yourself someplace where you will be a killjoy out of a misplaced sense of duty. Don’t get in the way of a happy day. Do something you like instead. You can hear all about things when they get home.

Contrariwise if you are set on something that you know your spouse doesn’t like or has no interest in, let them stay home or do something else. No amount of you wanting someone to enjoy or be excited by something will make it so. Dragging an unwilling participant with you is a recipe for disappointment. You can share that joy when you get home.

Now again this should be the exception from the default position not the rule but the wise use of this exception will make a lot of difference in the long run.

The rules to date:

American Success Stories What Makes America Great: Revisited: Paulo from Brazil Two years later

Posted: November 4, 2019 by datechguy in American Success Stories, business, culture, economy
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A while back I had an occasional series on youtube called American Success Stories when I talked to and interview the people who had worked and succeeded in America. One of those I talked to was Paulo from Brazil

I’m also sure his young wife and kids would like to see more of him nor do I doubt that his kids might have enjoyed it if this Sunday morning he had been at home during this labor day weekend rather than putting up siding early in the morning.
But when those kids are 18, Paulo’s hard work today will almost certainly mean he’ll have the assets to send them to college if they wish, or if they are smart enough to follow in his footsteps might be in a position to have their dad co-sign for their first home to fix up or at least know how to fix anything in sight. And I suspect that if he has a daughter who wants a big wedding someday, the willingness to be hard at work on a Holiday weekend will be the reason he can afford to pay for one or two or more.

Unfortunately I kept missing Paulo after the house was completed but this weekend I ran into him as he was doing some touch up maintenance and he had a few minutes to spare to speak with me

The house has been rented but Paulo has not slowed down one bit expect to take the time to cut his beard off. He continues to work hard and notes that there is plenty of work out there but a lot of the younger people don’t want a job, they just want the money without the work that comes with it.

Paulo is now in his early 30’s and it’s very likely that by the time he is 40 and thanks to his hard work he will be living a whole lot more comfortably than a lot of the people who took hundreds of thousands of dollars in college loans for useless degrees in cultural studies.

He will have real property and real skills to show for his investment of time and money. He is an object lesson for any teenager thinking of what to do with his future.

FYI if you want to see the before videos of the house, here they are

30 Tips to Stay Married 30 (31) Years #27 Take Culture With a Grain of Salt

Posted: November 3, 2019 by datechguy in culture
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Even if a particular train of thought can be twisted so as to end in our favour, you will find that you have been strengthening in your patient the fatal habit of attending to universal issues and withdrawing his attention from the stream of immediate sense experiences. Your business is to fix his attention on the stream. Teach him to call it “real life” and don’t let him ask what he means by “real.”

CS Lewis The Screwtape Letters Letter #1

If there is one thing that you can’t avoid these days it’s unsolicited advice.

In the old days it would come from friends, acquaintance and relatives, now it comes from everywhere in the culture.

TV, Movies, Talk shows, podcasts, and social media are constantly telling you how you should live, how you should eat, how you should have sex etc etc etc. Furthermore in today’s cancel culture a lot of this is given in terms not just of advice, but as a command, do this OR ELSE.

Now of course both you and your spouse live in the culture, the place and the time where you are so while this bombardment can’t be avoided completely it can be ignored and some of it might even make sense or have merit but all of it, the advice and the culture should be taken in the context of what we said yesterday: No source of advice, not even this post can beat the experience of each day you have together.

The demands of culture are transitory. Even just a few years of marriage will outlast the fads of the day. Once you are talking lustrums (5 years) or decades you will realize just how hollow they truly are.

Take it all with a grain of salt.

The Tips So far”

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