AI Generated 1st Century Christians eating Bacon Strips
As a rule I don’t trust Grok for anything actually important or for opinions. The one time I did try to trust it to work on a baseball schedule for me it messed it up completely, when I pointed out the mistakes it apologized and made a new schedule with different mistakes till I just said forget it.
However it excels on stuff that isn’t important that can be funny. A few days ago I imagined Mel Brooks as the 2000 year old man explaining how BACON was the actual secret to the rise of Christianity.
Since Mel is actually nearing 2000 years old I figured he wasn’t up to doing it himself and Carl Reiner his straight man is suffering from a chronic case of death I decided that this was a task that Grok could do.
The result wasn’t perfect. Brooks’ 2000 year old man would never used “the interviewer’s” first name and and some of the jokes were a tad repetitive but what Grok spat out was not a bad first draft.
So if you’re curious (and even if you’re not) here it is:
My question to Grok:
based on the original 2000 year old man recordings staring Carl Reiner and Mel Brooks as the 2000 year man give me the script for a 3-6 minute exchange where Reiner questions Brooks on how Christianity ended so popular worldwide despite early persecution with Brooks final conclusion being it was all because of Bacon and how delicious it was.
Here is Grok’s answer unabridged:
Below is a 3-6 minute comedic script inspired by the style of Carl Reiner and Mel Brooks’ 2000 Year Old Man recordings. It captures their playful, improvisational dynamic, with Reiner as the straight-man interviewer and Brooks as the ancient, wisecracking 2000 Year Old Man. The exchange focuses on the rise of Christianity despite early persecution, culminating in Brooks’ absurd conclusion that bacon was the key to its success. The dialogue is written to feel spontaneous, peppered with Brooks’ characteristic Yiddish-inflected humor and Reiner’s dry probing, aiming for a runtime of roughly 4-5 minutes when performed at their typical pace.
Carl Reiner (Interviewer):Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, I’m here with the 2000 Year Old Man, a man who has lived through centuries of human history. Sir, you’ve seen empires rise and fall, religions come and go. I want to ask you about Christianity. It started as a small movement, heavily persecuted by the Romans, yet it spread across the world. How did it get so popular despite all that opposition?
Mel Brooks (2000 Year Old Man): (in a thick, gravelly Yiddish accent) Oh, Christianity, yeah, yeah, I was there! Persecution, schmecsecution! You wanna know the real story? It’s not what you think, Carl. It wasn’t the sermons, it wasn’t the miracles, it wasn’t even the “love thy neighbor” stuff—although that was a nice touch, very catchy. No, no, no. It was bacon.
Reiner:Bacon? Wait a minute, sir, are you saying—
Brooks:I’m saying bacon, Carl! B-A-C-O-N, bacon! The greatest food ever invented! You ever smell bacon frying? It’s like God himself is whispering in your nose, “Come to the kitchen, bubbeleh, I got something for ya!” That’s what got Christianity going. Forget the catacombs, forget the martyrs—this was a bacon-based operation.
Reiner:But sir, Christianity emerged from Judaism, which strictly forbids eating pork. How could bacon possibly—
Brooks: (interrupting) Forbidden, shmorbidden! Look, I was around, I saw it happen. Early Christians, they’re hiding in caves, they’re dodging lions, they’re whispering about salvation. But then, one day, some Roman convert—probably a guy named Tony, good guy, big schnoz—he says, “Fellas, I know we’re supposed to stick to the rules, but I snuck some bacon from the market.” And he fries it up. The smell, Carl! The smell! It wafted through the cave like a divine revelation. Suddenly, everybody’s like, “Jesus who? Pass the bacon!”
Reiner: (dryly) So you’re suggesting that the early Christians abandoned kosher dietary laws because of bacon?
Brooks:Abandoned? They didn’t abandon nothin’! They said, “Look, if God didn’t want us to eat bacon, why’d He make it so crispy and delicious?” It was a theological breakthrough! They’re sitting there, munching, and one guy—smart fella, probably a rabbi before he switched teams—he says, “This bacon is so good, we gotta spread this religion to everybody!” And that’s when they started proselytizing. They’d go to a village, hold up a strip of bacon, and say, “Join us, and you get this.” Boom! Converts left and right.
Reiner: But sir, the Romans were feeding Christians to lions! Surely bacon wasn’t enough to overcome that kind of persecution.
Brooks:Lions, shmions! You think a lion’s gonna scare a guy who’s tasted bacon? I saw it myself. A Christian gets thrown in the Colosseum, lion’s roaring, crowd’s cheering, and the Christian pulls out a little piece of bacon from his toga. He waves it at the lion—poof! Lion sits down, wags its tail like a puppy. The crowd goes nuts, they all convert on the spot. “We want what he’s got!” they’re yelling. Bacon was the ultimate PR move.
Reiner: (skeptical) So you’re saying the global spread of Christianity—across Europe, Asia, Africa—was driven by… bacon?
Brooks:Absolutely! Look,Carl, you gotta understand human nature. People don’t join a religion for fancy theology or eternal life—that’s all fine, but it’s abstract, it’s meshuggeh. Bacon is real. You bite it, it crunches, it melts in your mouth. By the time Christianity hit Constantinople, they were building churches with bacon stands out front. You think St. Peter’s Basilica got built on prayers alone? No, they had a bacon cart in the square—two strips for a denarius, best deal in Rome!
Reiner:But what about the spiritual aspects? The teachings of Jesus, the apostles, the—
Brooks: (interrupting) Spiritual, shmiritual! I’m telling ya, Carl, the apostles were smart. They knew bacon was their secret weapon. Paul? That guy was the bacon king! He’d walk into a town, preach a little, then hand out bacon samples. People’d say, “This guy’s got the truth—and a side of crispy!” By the time he left, half the town was Christian, and the other half was just waiting for the next bacon shipment.
Reiner: (deadpan) So your final conclusion is that Christianity’s worldwide success is due to bacon?
Brooks:Final conclusion? Carl, it’s the only conclusion! Bacon was the miracle nobody talks about. You wanna know why Christianity beat out the pagans, the Zoroastrians, the whatevers? Because nobody else had bacon. You try converting someone with a bowl of lentils—good luck! Bacon was the game-changer. And let me tell ya, Carl, to this day, every time I smell bacon frying, I think, “Those Christians, they knew what they were doing.” (pauses, dreamily) Mmm… bacon…
Reiner: (sighs) Thank you, 2000 Year Old Man. That’s… certainly a perspective. Ladies and gentlemen, we’ll be back with more insights from history—or at least, from the kitchen.
With a nod to the Babylon Bee who had the story first:
Let’s take a look at the numbers. Between 2005 and 2017, at least 433 Americans were killed by dogs. And guess what? Pit bulls were responsible for a whopping 66% of these deaths. Pit bulls — a breed that makes up only 6% of the dog population in the U.S. — is causing the majority of fatal attacks.
It’s not even just humans who are suffering at the jaws of these dogs. In 2017 alone, pit bulls were responsible for the deaths of 13,000 dogs, 5,000 cats, and 20,000 horses and other farm animals.
Those are numbers Kristi Noem can only dream of.
I’m sorry but when you see this kind of joke in stories that begin with a police officer having to shoot a dog you’re finished politically whether you know it or not.
She might be able to be a Senator out of her state but VP or P not a chance.
As for the substance of the story in question, remember that the Pit Bull is so named because they were bred to fight in a pit:
The term “Pitbull” is derived from the dog breed that was utilized for bull-baiting, which took place in a “pit.” This violent sport involved pitting dogs against bulls, and the dogs were specifically bred for their strength, tenacity, and determination. This is why the name “Pitbull” became associated with these dogs.
Bull-baiting was a popular blood sport in the 19th century, particularly in the United Kingdom. The purpose was to test the dog’s ability to restrain and subdue a bull, which earned them a reputation as powerful and aggressive animals. Although bull-baiting was later outlawed, the association between Pitbulls and their historical past persisted.
I have no opinion on the matter one way or the other but for the record my next door neighbor has a Pit Bull called Kuz who greets me every day with loud barks and a wagging tail so I don’t know what end to believe. The dog absolutely loves DaWife.
German Woman talk show host:Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not much comedy in Germany?
Robin Williams:Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?
Today at Don Surber’s site he celebrates the contributions of various ethnic groups, starting with Blacks as it’s black history month and ending with the WASPS who founded this country making all those other contributions to America possible. He notes many people who might have been forgotten a few I had never heard of and in going through the list he has this section about Jewish Americans:
As for Jews, I can go on all day about them. They gave the country physicists, Irving Berlin and a host of comedians. Jews invented Hollywood by founding Columbia, Fox, Paramount, Universal and MGM. Even the Warner Brothers were Jewish. Could we kindly stop the anti-Semitism already?
Emphasis mine
That reminded me of this Dave Chappelle bit on Kanye & Jews:
Now the hesitancy to talk about Jews in Hollywood/Entertainment or bring it up is something I’ve never understood. When various ethnic groups come to a country and start a business you will see family coming over and joining in. There is a reason why so many pizza places were run by Italians.
If people start a business, especially people outside the dominant culture they tend to hire family and people from their same ethnic group, additionally people who come to a country looking for work tend to check first within their ethnic group, same culture, same language and once they assimilate they and/or their children & grandchildren branch out.
So see a lot of XXX and sons, but you very rarely see XXX and grandsons because by the time you reach that generation the kids are Americanized and go their own way.
So Thomas Edison not withstanding if Jews went all in on entertainment, if Jews founded Columbia, Fox, Paramount, Universal MGM and Warner Brothers why should anyone be surprised if.
They tended to hire a lot of Jews when they started.
A lot of Jews tended to gravitate to the entertainment business
And a ton of Jews are still in the business today.
This makes sense particularly if you consider that Jews historically have not been particularly loved or treated well through history. Why wouldn’t you get involved in an industry that is:
Profitable
Secure (meaning that it won’t disappear)
Has influence
And gives you the change to put the Jewish point of view out there
Alas because some were far leftists you had a leftist point of view pushed too but I digress.
Bottom line I’m not about to get my knickers in a twist because ethnic Jews took the risk to get into the ground floor of the entertainment business which provides comfort and joy to people all over the world and still reaping the rewards of that risk. If you have a problem with that then that’s your problem.
But neither am I going to deny that’s the case because people might feel upset about it being said openly. Frankly I think the reaction of of a Jewish person to the “Jews run Hollywood” business should be: ”Yeah Jews are big in Hollywood and I’m damn proud of it!”
It’s not a conspiracy, it’s just the way things went naturally.
I’ll leave you with the Robin Williams joke I started with, he delivers it better than I write it.
Posted: January 25, 2023 by datechguy in comedy
Tags: irony
On Twitchy the “Trans-Cultural Mindfulness Alliance” revealed itself to be a parody account and berated news organizations for being fooled about their story concerning demands to cancel Aretha Franklin’s song “Natural Woman”
While they might be correct that a news organization should have contacted them being “stunned” that the lazy journalists of today didn’t bother is on them. That shouldn’t stun anyone familiar with the business at all, disappoint maybe stun, never.
But the real problem is is this line:
“Based on the Sheer ridiculousness of the content of this page, how could JOURNALISTS not comprehend that this is parody/satire.”
I laughed at loud at this. Sheer Ridiculousness? Have you actually seen the trans movement in action? The men have periods and the protests and the claims?
I submit and suggest that if sheer Ridiculousness was the standard to judge stories on the transgender movement then practically everything we hear would be considered parody. If you doubt me go to the Babylon Bee and search for the phrase “prophecies fulfilled” Then tell me how “Sheer ridiculousness of the content” should be the standard used on judging if a story about the left is parody or not.
Da Techguy's (no longer backup) Blog 