AI Generated 1st Century Christians eating Bacon Strips
As a rule I don’t trust Grok for anything actually important or for opinions. The one time I did try to trust it to work on a baseball schedule for me it messed it up completely, when I pointed out the mistakes it apologized and made a new schedule with different mistakes till I just said forget it.
However it excels on stuff that isn’t important that can be funny. A few days ago I imagined Mel Brooks as the 2000 year old man explaining how BACON was the actual secret to the rise of Christianity.
Since Mel is actually nearing 2000 years old I figured he wasn’t up to doing it himself and Carl Reiner his straight man is suffering from a chronic case of death I decided that this was a task that Grok could do.
The result wasn’t perfect. Brooks’ 2000 year old man would never used “the interviewer’s” first name and and some of the jokes were a tad repetitive but what Grok spat out was not a bad first draft.
So if you’re curious (and even if you’re not) here it is:
My question to Grok:
based on the original 2000 year old man recordings staring Carl Reiner and Mel Brooks as the 2000 year man give me the script for a 3-6 minute exchange where Reiner questions Brooks on how Christianity ended so popular worldwide despite early persecution with Brooks final conclusion being it was all because of Bacon and how delicious it was.
Here is Grok’s answer unabridged:
Below is a 3-6 minute comedic script inspired by the style of Carl Reiner and Mel Brooks’ 2000 Year Old Man recordings. It captures their playful, improvisational dynamic, with Reiner as the straight-man interviewer and Brooks as the ancient, wisecracking 2000 Year Old Man. The exchange focuses on the rise of Christianity despite early persecution, culminating in Brooks’ absurd conclusion that bacon was the key to its success. The dialogue is written to feel spontaneous, peppered with Brooks’ characteristic Yiddish-inflected humor and Reiner’s dry probing, aiming for a runtime of roughly 4-5 minutes when performed at their typical pace.
Carl Reiner (Interviewer):Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, I’m here with the 2000 Year Old Man, a man who has lived through centuries of human history. Sir, you’ve seen empires rise and fall, religions come and go. I want to ask you about Christianity. It started as a small movement, heavily persecuted by the Romans, yet it spread across the world. How did it get so popular despite all that opposition?
Mel Brooks (2000 Year Old Man): (in a thick, gravelly Yiddish accent) Oh, Christianity, yeah, yeah, I was there! Persecution, schmecsecution! You wanna know the real story? It’s not what you think, Carl. It wasn’t the sermons, it wasn’t the miracles, it wasn’t even the “love thy neighbor” stuff—although that was a nice touch, very catchy. No, no, no. It was bacon.
Reiner:Bacon? Wait a minute, sir, are you saying—
Brooks:I’m saying bacon, Carl! B-A-C-O-N, bacon! The greatest food ever invented! You ever smell bacon frying? It’s like God himself is whispering in your nose, “Come to the kitchen, bubbeleh, I got something for ya!” That’s what got Christianity going. Forget the catacombs, forget the martyrs—this was a bacon-based operation.
Reiner:But sir, Christianity emerged from Judaism, which strictly forbids eating pork. How could bacon possibly—
Brooks: (interrupting) Forbidden, shmorbidden! Look, I was around, I saw it happen. Early Christians, they’re hiding in caves, they’re dodging lions, they’re whispering about salvation. But then, one day, some Roman convert—probably a guy named Tony, good guy, big schnoz—he says, “Fellas, I know we’re supposed to stick to the rules, but I snuck some bacon from the market.” And he fries it up. The smell, Carl! The smell! It wafted through the cave like a divine revelation. Suddenly, everybody’s like, “Jesus who? Pass the bacon!”
Reiner: (dryly) So you’re suggesting that the early Christians abandoned kosher dietary laws because of bacon?
Brooks:Abandoned? They didn’t abandon nothin’! They said, “Look, if God didn’t want us to eat bacon, why’d He make it so crispy and delicious?” It was a theological breakthrough! They’re sitting there, munching, and one guy—smart fella, probably a rabbi before he switched teams—he says, “This bacon is so good, we gotta spread this religion to everybody!” And that’s when they started proselytizing. They’d go to a village, hold up a strip of bacon, and say, “Join us, and you get this.” Boom! Converts left and right.
Reiner: But sir, the Romans were feeding Christians to lions! Surely bacon wasn’t enough to overcome that kind of persecution.
Brooks:Lions, shmions! You think a lion’s gonna scare a guy who’s tasted bacon? I saw it myself. A Christian gets thrown in the Colosseum, lion’s roaring, crowd’s cheering, and the Christian pulls out a little piece of bacon from his toga. He waves it at the lion—poof! Lion sits down, wags its tail like a puppy. The crowd goes nuts, they all convert on the spot. “We want what he’s got!” they’re yelling. Bacon was the ultimate PR move.
Reiner: (skeptical) So you’re saying the global spread of Christianity—across Europe, Asia, Africa—was driven by… bacon?
Brooks:Absolutely! Look,Carl, you gotta understand human nature. People don’t join a religion for fancy theology or eternal life—that’s all fine, but it’s abstract, it’s meshuggeh. Bacon is real. You bite it, it crunches, it melts in your mouth. By the time Christianity hit Constantinople, they were building churches with bacon stands out front. You think St. Peter’s Basilica got built on prayers alone? No, they had a bacon cart in the square—two strips for a denarius, best deal in Rome!
Reiner:But what about the spiritual aspects? The teachings of Jesus, the apostles, the—
Brooks: (interrupting) Spiritual, shmiritual! I’m telling ya, Carl, the apostles were smart. They knew bacon was their secret weapon. Paul? That guy was the bacon king! He’d walk into a town, preach a little, then hand out bacon samples. People’d say, “This guy’s got the truth—and a side of crispy!” By the time he left, half the town was Christian, and the other half was just waiting for the next bacon shipment.
Reiner: (deadpan) So your final conclusion is that Christianity’s worldwide success is due to bacon?
Brooks:Final conclusion? Carl, it’s the only conclusion! Bacon was the miracle nobody talks about. You wanna know why Christianity beat out the pagans, the Zoroastrians, the whatevers? Because nobody else had bacon. You try converting someone with a bowl of lentils—good luck! Bacon was the game-changer. And let me tell ya, Carl, to this day, every time I smell bacon frying, I think, “Those Christians, they knew what they were doing.” (pauses, dreamily) Mmm… bacon…
Reiner: (sighs) Thank you, 2000 Year Old Man. That’s… certainly a perspective. Ladies and gentlemen, we’ll be back with more insights from history—or at least, from the kitchen.
With a nod to the Babylon Bee who had the story first:
Delaware: A trio of elite Russian Agents assigned to acquire classified documents for Russian use turned themselves into US authorities when they unexpectedly discovered that President Joe Biden kept the garage housing these classified documents locked:
“I could not believe it” moaned Igor Moehowardavich at his arrangement. “A decade of training, four years undercover in America and all our plans foiled because President Joe Biden anticipated us by locking his garage.”
The trio having heard about the documents in the garage through sources moved to acquire the classified material, but confronted with the locked door and seeing no way around such a formattable defense Moehowardavich and his associates Lev Findgoldalov and Chary Q Stoogakalev surrendered to FBI agents who came across them accidently after being alerted by a tip suggesting there might be parents objecting to CRT in the area.
Democrats such as Adam Schiff praised the foresight of the President’s steps to secure the documents in his possession while the Administration took this opportunity to attempt to open talks in the hope of trading these agents for US citizens held in Russia but at last report Putin is quite content to allow America to keep them.
I’ve been a Monty Python fan since I was about 9 years old and discovered them on PBS and later the Holy Grail on the CBS Late Movie, and I also deplore the FBI raid on Donald Trump as one of the most egregious things this administration and justice department have done, so far.
Bereft of any context and meh dialogue does not comedy make.
There is an old saying that everyone is conservative about their own situations, to Wit.
Many on Twitter have asked–how did I go from being extremely cautious with #covid19 precautions for nearly two years to now resuming pre-pandemic activities, including not masking my young kids at school?
Perry has taken a bold step, for a young woman who dares call herself a feminist, because modern feminism originated with just such a utopian ambition, as delineated by the schizophrenic radical Shulamith Firestone and others. Insofar as Perry rejects “ideology premised on . . . false belief,” she must question whether she is actually a feminist in any meaningful sense of that word.
The significance of Perry is not that she has figured it out, it’s that people who would not be caught dead publicly conceding that either Stacy or I have been right about this from day one might now decide they have the cover needed to summon up enough courage to publicly agree with things I suspect many of them already know.
One must walk before one runs.
One of the last people i had bet with on the result of the 2020 election who had never contacted me for payment of said be suddenly popped out of the woodwork.
In fairness to him while publicly noting he had not been paid (I had no name or account to send payment to and none had been provided) privately he was willing to excuse me from the debt. I declined his kind offer as the bet was made in good faith and I do not suspect him of being the person who fixed said election.
Some of you might wonder way I bothered to pay those bets given the fact that I still maintain not only was the election stolen but that this fact will be eventually be exposed and conceded as too many people were involved. The answer is simple. In the end like the Astros in 2017 who got a title by violating the rules and the 1985 Royals who won game seven after the most significant blown call in sports history those titles stand. Likewise the authorities who at the time could have done something choose, for whatever reason ( I suspect cowardice) to not act when they could and thus Joe Biden, rightly or wrongly was sworn in and is in fact for
I will leave it to him and the others who I paid my best to after Biden was sworn in to decide what to do when history shows the truth of the steal but that’s on them. As for me my honor is satisfied.
Finally later this year my wife will be traveling without me. She had been having hip pains when sleeping in bed so for the last two to three years she has been sleeping in a recliner and because of this I’ve been sleeping on the couch to be in the same room.
As she will not have a recliner to sleep in during her trip In preparation for she slept in our bed for the first time in years so when I came home I did the same.
I can not adequately describe the pleasure of being able to share a bed with my wife again, even if it was only for sleep. It reminds one of how fragile the simple pleasures of life can be.
Enjoy those pleasures and do not take them for granted because the day will come when they are gone forever
Yesterday I had some time on my hands and watched the Dave Chappelle special and came away thinking these things:
If this had been the days of my youth this special would never had made it on the air, not because of the Transgender jokes but because the absolutely vulgar sexual humor all over the place. It was about as gross and disgusting as you can get and it really says something about how our society has changed that I seem to be the only person who has pointed this out.
What really gets me about the gross stuff is that like Monty Python Chappelle’s humor is actually very intelligent humor and he doesn’t need to go with the gross stuff to be funny. Furthermore a lot of the gross humor wasn’t all that good in the sense that it couldn’t have been more telegraphed if he had been sitting behind a desk in a Western Union office in 1877.
That being said his audience liked it and I’m remined of Eddie Murphy’s famous bit about Bill Cosby calling him on being vulgar and Richard Pryor’s response.
For those who don’t want to hear the whole clip here is what Murphy said Pryor said to him about Bill Cosby chastising him over the dirty humor:
I don’t give give a f*** what every the f*** makes people laugh say that shit. Do the people laugh when you say what you say?
I said Yes
Do you get paid?
I said Yes
Well tell Bill I said have a Coke and smile and shut the f*** up. That Jello pudding eating M*****f*****..
Given what we now know about Bill Cosby this Eddie Murphy clip is a lot funnier and highly ironic, but Bill would answer that he never drugged a woman on stage in front of an audience.
Dave Chapple’s job is to make people laugh and he is very good at it and if people are laughing at the jokes and he’s getting paid millions then he’s doing his job even if he gets too gross for me. As for anything else, that’s between him and Christ and I wish him the best of luck there.
That brings up another thing about Chappelle that reminds me of Monty Python and Don Rickles, he hits everybody and makes fun of Everybody and is gross about EVERYBODY. There were no sacred cows to Monty Python and Don Rickles hit people, including the autocancel to their faces. Chappelle takes this to the Nth degree I mean he was making glory hole jokes about Martin Luther King. MARTIN LUTHER KING!
Can you imagine any other comedian making glory hole jokes about Martin Luther King on a stage? Can you imagine what would happen if I got up on a stage on a comedy night and tried to make a joke about Martin Luther King concerning sleeping around let alone glory holes. I’d be up against a wall.
And you think the transgender stuff is over the line?
One of the reasons why he does these things and also breaks all the other rules (for example smoking in places where I would be fined for doing so) is to distract people as he delivers his message, and his message seems to be:
Don’t be telling black people about how oppressed you are when we were friggin slaves and went through all we went through to get where we are now.
His answer to the Trans community claiming oppression reminds me of a story Tip O’Neill told about a group of black activists who came to congress and was berating a white congressman who had grown up poor in during the Great Depression in the era before government safety nets and answered: “Don’t come to my office and talk down it me. I was poor when poor was POOR!” Go deep into these specials and that, in my opinion is pretty much what Chappelle’s entire standup humor is about, but the bottom line is it’s still humor that makes you laugh and makes him money.
His answer to Trans activists talking about the oppression of their people was to ask if they kidnapped them and dragged them here from Transylvania.
Ironically Chappelle uses his status as one of the richest and most popular living comics to exercise privilege not only do do or say things that others can’t say without being hit by society but to flaunt said privilege, the privilege of wealth, the privilege of celerity and the privilege of race to advance pretty much a left liberal/radical worldview with a streak of libertarianism and a commitment to the 1st amendment . Even more ironically he does this while living in what would be considered a conservative leaning lifestyle in a white small town.
Dave Chappelle is actually is the personification of privilege he knows he has it and intends to make you know he has it and is going to use it. The reason why this said privilege doesn’t get me all that riled up is he earned said privilege with decades of hard work and a lot of nights in small clubs busting his ass to make people laugh and he does it as well if not better than any current living comedian. That is in fact the American dream.
The final irony is the the reason why he has this dream is that hundreds of years ago a black slaver caught one of his ancestors and sold said ancestor to a ship master headed for the new world allowing him the ultimate privilege that the decedents of that slaver can only dream of, growing up in America.
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