Archive for the ‘personal’ Category

Hi. I’m Zilla and I need to talk to you about mental health

The mental health big pharma industrial complex in the United States of America is, and has always been, an abomination. You could be a nice normal person just trying to live your life and maybe you have a bad day and say something in hyperbole that you don’t really mean but you said it to the wrong person and now they are coming for you. You have no rights at this point. You can go peacefully or you can resist (I always fight) but you WILL be taken from your home whether you like it or not. The restraints are painful and you do not yet know what dank hole you are being taken to, you just want the pain and humiliation to stop. No you can not have your clothes, your shoes, your meds, your wheelchair nor any other assistive device because some clown thinks you will use it as a weapon (while you are handcuffed, hog tied, or strapped to a gurney). No wallet for you! No house keys, either. If you live alone maybe they lock the house. Your pets are on their own. You will be taken against your will and spend several hours under psyche hold at a facility until they get around to seeing you. It can take days and nobody on the outside will know where you are. Maybe they will feed you. The techs try but they are seriously underfunded and overworked. Eventually the psychiatrist will see you and decide your fate. You will either be turned loose or get admitted and spend the next two weeks of your life locked up against your will. They will try to pump you full of drugs. Most patients do not know or cannot articulate that they have the right of refusal for most meds under certain conditions. Some of the medications are experimental and dangerous. I was harmed by them. It happened. Such is the way of things here but it need not be so. A different way is needed!

Saint Dymphna is the patron Saint of people who suffer from nervous and mental disorders. My grandmother introduced her to me when I was little because I think she always knew that I was different and she also knew that my young life was filled with violence and chaos in my family and in my neighborhood; my grandmother knew I needed something powerful to get me through the worst this life would throw at me – my grandmother was highly intuitive and struggled with issues as well. She was a wonderful teacher and I appreciate her and miss her more the older I get. But I digress…

Dymphna was a young Irish princess born to a pagan king and a devout Christian mother. She was beautiful, smart, and beloved by all. Like many young girls at the time, she loved the Lord above all things and pledged her chastity to Jesus. Dymphna had what would seem a charmed life until her mother died. Dymphna’s father went insane with grief. The story gets very dark from there…

So unhinged was Dymphna’s father, Damon, that the King’s counselors suggested he remarry. Though he was still grieving for his wife, he agreed to remarry if a woman as beautiful as she could be found.

Damon sent messengers throughout his town and other lands to find woman of noble birth who resembled his wife and would be willing to marry him, but when none could be found, his evil advisors whispered sinful suggestions to marry his own daughter. So twisted were Damon’s thoughts that he recognized only his wife when he looked upon Dymphna, and so he consented to the arrangement.

When she heard of her father’s misguided plot, Dymphna fled her castle with her confessor, a priest named Gerebran, two trusted servants, and the king’s fool. The group sailed toward what is now called Belgium, and hid in the town of Geel.

Though it becomes uncertain what exactly happened next, the best-known version claims the group settled in Geel, where Dymphna built a hospital for the poor and sick, but in using her wealth, her father was able to discover her location.

When Damon found his daughter was in Belgium, he traveled to Geel and captured them. He ordered the priest’s head to be separated from his body and attempted to convince Dymphna to return to Ireland and marry him.

When Dymphna refused, Damon became enraged and drew his sword. He struck Dymphna’s head from her shoulders and left her there. When she died, Dymphna was only fifteen-years-old. After her father left Geel, the residents collected both Dymphna and Gerebran’s remains and laid them to rest in a cave.

In defense of her purity, Dymphna received the crown of martyrdom around the year 620 and became known as the “Lily of Éire. In 1349, a church honoring St. Dymphna was built in Geel, and by 1480, so many pilgrims were arriving in need of treatment for mental ills, that the church was expanded. The expanded sanctuary was eventually overflowing again, leaving the townspeople to accept them into their homes, which began a tradition of care for the mentally ill that continues to this day.

Unfortunately, in the 15th century, the original St. Dymphna Church in Geel burned to the ground, and the magnificent Church of St. Dymphna was erected and consecrated in 1532, where it still stands above the location her body was originally buried.

Many miracles have been proven to take place at her shrine in the church erected in her honor, and her remains were placed in a silver reliquary in the church. Some of her remains can also be found at the Shrine to Saint Dymphna in the United States.

The priest who had helped Dymphna was also sainted, and his remains were moved to Xanten, Germany.

The United States National Shrine of Saint Dymphna is at St. Mary’s Catholic Church in Massillon, Ohio and St. Dymphna’s Special School can be found in ballina, County Mayo, Republic of Ireland.

Saint Dymphna is the patroness of those suffering nervous and mental afflictions as well as victims of incest.

Traditionally, Saint Dymphna is often portrayed with a crown on her head, dressed in royal robes, and holding a sword. In modern art, Saint Dymphna is shown holding the sword, which symbolizes her martyrdom, quite awkwardly. She is also often shown holding a lamp, while some holy cards feature her wearing green and white, holding a book and white lilies.

Prayer:
Hear us, O God, Our Saviour, as we honor St. Dymphna, patron of those afflicted with mental and emotional illness. Help us to be inspired by her example and comforted by her merciful help. Amen.

https://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=222

For CENTURIES, the local community of Geel, Belgium, where Saint Dymphna was martyred, has exemplified what it means to provide compassionate and HELPFUL care to troubled people. It is my fervent prayer that more community efforts be put forward similar to what they do in Geel for our troubled and vulnerable people HERE, and Soon! Amen. I also long to make a pilgrimage to Geel for the help I think I truly need and I would also like to visit the National Shrine in Massillon, Ohio, God willing.

What happens in Geel is astonishing.

It is an approach to psychiatric care that has gone on in Geel (pronounced “hail”) since as early as the 13th century, archives show. The locals began building a church to St. Dymphna, the patron saint of mental illness, in the mid-1300s and pilgrims flocked to Geel. They lived in the local farmers’ homesteads, where they worked the land alongside their new families.

Both the tradition and the church still stand.

By the end of the 19th century, nearly 2,000 boarders lived among the Geelians, as the locals call themselves. Today the town of 41,000 in Flanders, the Dutch-speaking part of Belgium, has 120 boarders in local homes.

That has made Geel both something of a model for a particular paradigm of psychiatric care and an outlier, often regarded over the centuries with suspicion (including by The New York Times, which, in a headlinefrom March 23, 1891, called Geel “a colony where lunatics live with peasants” that had been “productive of misery and evil results”).

Those suspicions only grew as Geel’s approach crushed up against the rising medical field of psychiatry. In more recent times, however, the town has come up for reconsideration as an emblem of a humane alternative to the neglect or institutionalization of those with mental illness found in other places.

“There has always been controversy about how ‘disturbed’ or ‘eccentric’ people should be treated,” wrote Oliver Sacks, the renowned neurologist, in 2007, in his foreword to the book “Geel Revisited,” an examination of 19 boarders over the course of decades.

“Should they be treated as ill, possibly dangerous, confined in institutions?” wrote Dr. Sacks, who died in 2015. “Or is there a chance that a more human and social approach, trying to reintegrate them into family and community life, a life of love and work, will succeed as well?”

For Dr. Sacks, who had visited Geel, the answer was to accept mental illness as individuality, rather than a stigmatizing disability.

Geel proves, Dr. Sacks concluded, that “even those who could seem to be incurably afflicted can, potentially, live full, dignified, loved and secure lives.”

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/04/21/world/europe/belgium-geel-psychiatric-care.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare

I would dearly love to see such efforts attempted in the United States and elsewhere. I do what I can with my little street/psyche ward ministry along with a few very kind and trustworthy friends but I’m messed up too and also living in extreme poverty so I am a little bit limited in what I can do versus what I want to do.

I have a thing I call #TheGoodening and I declare it a Revolution based on love, compassion, dignity, and kindness.

I know plenty of locked up people who could do just fine if they were simply treated like the free human beings that God created us to be.

Sometimes all a troubled person needs is a little bit of kindness, respect, and dignity. Amazing things can happen when punishment ends and treating the troubled as sick instead of criminal begins. #CrazyLivesMatter and who is who to judge whether a person is a simple misfit or a very troubled person. Something needs to change.

I pray I may be part of that change, God willing. I long to see less misery and more compassion among our own people.

Thank you for listening and reading. Please always pray for the truly vulnerable people and help out when you can. Peace be with you. I love you. God bless you.

Amen. Amen. Amen.

Find me at AxZilla.com for more

A lot of accounts have been restored in to twitter over the last several months under Elon Musk from Donald Trump to Project Veritas to the Gateway Pundit and I cheer the return of these accounts and for a semblance of free speech for conservatives to come back. I must say frankly that I’m getting sick of waiting for the folks at twitter to restore the account of Robert Stacy McCain.

He was one of the first conservatives to be targeted by the twitter cancel crowd because like Libs of Tictok he dared to quote feminists directly using their own words against him to make his point.

I keep seeing these other worthy folks come back but there still remains no sign of Stacy’s @rsmccain account being restored. He had over 80K followers when he was tossed and as a writer no longer connected with major media the loss of such an account had I suspect a real effect on his reach and potential income which was the entire point of kicking him off.

I understand Elon Musk is a busy man but I urge him to take a few minutes out of his schedule and end this injustice against a reporter with thirty years of print media experience behind him and #freestacy

It’s the right thing to do.


A lot of GOP voters are rightly upset about the omnibus spending bill that just passed and the number of GOP senators who voted for this goody package for the left to make it happen.

While it outrages us it should not surprise us as I’m sure this bill contained a bunch of goodie packages for these individual senators and/or their states and/or contributors.

Unfortunately this has been the norm in congress for a very long time, it was the removal of earmarks that was a change from the routine and the people who paid a lot of money to get these folks elected expect to get their dough.

And if it means funding a bunch of stuff that helps the left in their culture war against the country, what do their care as long as they get their cut?


Lauren Boebert’s statement on Ukrainian president after his speech to congress was spot on.

She correctly acknowledged that Zelenskey is doing all he can to save his country from the Russians but also noted that it is our duty to make sure the billions we are sending to him to defend his country actually go toward that goal.

I don’t blame Zelenskey one bit, Ukraine was a land of graft and grift before the Russian invasion and if I was in charge of Ukraine and the US offered me dough but the big guy & his pals wanted their 10% or more I’d not care if thousands of grifters got their share as long as I got kept getting the dough and weapons that I needed to save my country from the Russian hoards. That’s got to be his primary goal.

But it damn well should the goal of a representative of the United States to make sure that the taxpayer dollars of Americans that are being spent to save Ukraine isn’t all about making the rich and connected richer and even if my own rep doesn’t care about it it’s nice that SOMEBODY in congress does.


We got out of work a couple of hours early yesterday so I had a chance to watch the 2nd half of the Jets Jaguars game which pitted Trevor Lawrence the 1st pick overall in the 2021 NFL draft starting for Jacksonville against Zach Wilson the 2nd overall pick in the NFL draft starting for the Jets. In two Seasons Lawrence has taken a bad team and put them within a game of their division lead and a game and a half away from the final wildcard spot this season.

Meanwhile Wilson in a year marred by injury got himself pulled shortly after the start of the 2nd half after taking a Jets team that had a lot of promise nowhere. It makes the 2nd time this season that Wilson has been sat down for poor performance but subsequent injuries to his replacements pressed him back into service.

This goes to show you how thin the line is between success and failure is in the NFL. Both of these two young men excelled in college and have physical tools to make the NFL, tools that 99.99% of the population don’t come near to. Yet one of them has the stuff to make it in this league and one did not. Meanwhile in San Francisco the # 3 pick in that draft Trey Lance is recoding from injury while Brock Purdy the 262nd and final pick in this years NFL draft Mr Irrelevant is about to lead his team to a playoff bearth.

Until the iron comes out of the forge you don’t know where it’s been.


Finally as I did last year at work I came in wearing a full Santa Suit for the final work day before Christmas. Given I have both a real stomach and a real Santa beard (that I will shave shortly after Christmas to the delight of my wife) which causes little kids to gasp when I walk into restaurants this time of year it’s very effective.

I could practically not punch in as about half of the woman (and a few men) punching out for 1st shift wanted a picture and my first hour on the job while I was in theory trying to pick orders was in fact spent taking pictures with groups of very attractive women, many dressed for the season, who all wanted a picture with Santa Claus.

It’s slightly ironic, As I’m one of only 4 white English speaking white Americans on my shift and with very few exceptions old enough to be the father or grandfather of just about everyone in the place it often makes for a lonely & silent work day (the “silent” bit will shock folks who know me) since I have few conversations during the day and can’t understand the conversations around me in Spanish, Portuguese (Cape Verde) , Creole or French (Haitians you know) everyone knows who I am and says hello but I’m generally left alone

But one day a year, for just a few hours when I come in and during the Christmas party I become the most popular person in the place.

On this Labor day I talk about a something many who labored hard in the past dreamed of

Only people who have no grasp of history fail to appreciate it.

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and decay destroy, and thieves break in and steal. But store up treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor decay destroys, nor thieves break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be.

Jesus via Matthew 6:19-21

My oldest son turns 30 next week and when I was writing my under the fedora piece for today (that is going up tomorrow instead) I touched on a story that brought this to mind.

Back in 2009 he had been offered a big scholarship to Anna Maria college and we went to visit the place. What I saw at the “catholic” college was less that overwhelming:

My problem with the place is one of my pet peeves. The college is a Catholic College There are old crosses on buildings and portraits of older bishops in one or two places, but I saw nothing affirming their Catholic identity. No portrait of the pope, no schedule of Masses (although they do offer daily Mass).

There were pictures celebrating the new president all over the place, banners celebrating diversity, announcements of the woman’s study courses but nothing on the March for Life later this month in Washington. The concert was a “holiday” concert. In the Anna Maria in the news bulletin board at the admissions office there was an article talking about protesting the pope in the US. That was the extent of any recent mention of religion.

Of course that was written in the days when “Is the Pope Catholic” was a one liner rather than a legit question but I digress…

When he was offered a full boat at the local Fitchburg State college (before it became Fitchburg University) which never pretended it wasn’t a secular organization he jumped at it allowing him to live at home and continue in our parish where his faith was well formed. I was going to let it go at that until we got a letter from the Bishop congratulating us on being accepted at Anna Maria and the Scholarship and the importance of a Catholic education.

At that point I wrote a letter to the Bishop that said in part:

We were excited when Sam was accepted at Anna Maria; even more so when they offered the largest (in dollars) scholarship of any of the nine colleges that have accepted and attempted to recruit him. We looked forward to the visit to the college and liked the prospect of a college that would expand both his faith and his educational horizons.

Then we actually visited the college.

Comparing your description of the college as a “great example of a Catholic institution…” and my experience I thought of George Weigel’s line commenting on the differing press releases concerning Speaker Pelosi visit to the Holy See: “Were Benedict XVI and Nancy Pelosi in the same meeting, or even in the same city?”

it continued:

When I talked to the gentleman from admissions after the tour he informed me that this was not unusual at Catholic colleges and seemed to stress diversity rather than the Catholic identity, in fact seemed happy to reassure the next visiting student that he would not have to take any courses having to do with religion. Continuing my quote from the blog:

…It would be nicer if Catholic identity actually meant something. I’ve spent much more than I can afford over the last 10 years giving my sons a Catholic education. If I’m going to spend a whole lot more for a Catholic College then I expect a Catholic College.

I can’t reconcile your description of Anna Maria with what I saw and I can’t believe you would make that description after visiting the college yourself. While academically I believe it would be strong I don’t believe attending would foster his faith, in fact I suspect if he choose to wear his faith proudly it would go hard on him there.

The Bishop forward my letter to the president of the college who wrote me to dispute my impression and I posted both letters on the blog trusting readers to make their own decision.

Because I was referencing this story in the post I took the liberty of visiting the Anna Maria Web site curious if things had changed in twelve years and under a different president.

The front page like many sites has a rotating gallery highlighting many different things none of them involving the faith and while on other tabs you could find a reference particularly on the Campus Ministry page you will be hard pressed to find a sign of it. For the fun of it I did a search for the phrase: “Jesus Christ” on the site here were the results:

search result 7/10/21 10:20 am

two of those are blog posts from 2020 and the other two are programs offered.

Now if you search for “diversity” however…

Search 7/10/21 10:24 AM

You’d have to go to additional pages to see all the results you can find but I figured the 1st page was enough to make my point. If you search for LGBT…

search result 7/10/21 10:26 AM

Well at least Jesus does equally as well as LGBT in the search results. I’ll wager there are plenty of Catholic Colleges where he doesn’t.

Well that’s Anna Maria College 12 years later. As for my son twelve years later last week I had a rare Sunday off and so I had the pleasure of my wife and sons all with me at the 6 PM mass at our parish. Neither of my sons received communion but both went up to the priest arms crossed for a blessing. When the mass was over they asked him for confession. When they had both received the sacrament the pastor took them to the tabernacle and they received Holy Communion after mass. I can imagine my mother & father punching the air in heaven at this and as their dad I can’t adequately state how proud I was to see this.

The best non-decision my wife and I ever made still remains not moving to the Portland Oregon area after our Honeymoon there 33 years ago but I’m thinking giving Anna Maria a miss twelve years ago comes in as a pretty solid second.