My Grandfather who died when I was 4 used to tell this joke before my mother was born. It predates his coming to America in 1906.
Fr. Guiseppe always liked his wine but one day he was checking the barrel and noted that the supply was dropping fast. He suspected that either the Janitor or his wife was dipping into his supply so he decided to check on Rosa first:
So father cuts a small hole in the wood floor just over the wine barrel in the cellar sits down at the table and calls for Rosa. He gives her his mug and asks her to fill it from the wine barrel. He then puts his eye to the hole and waits.
Rosa goes to the barrel and removes the top she dips in the mug and holds it up to drink her fill as she always does before bringing up a mug when she spots an eye in the looking down from the ceiling and says:
“Oh what fine fine wine. I wish I had wine as good as this but it belongs to Father and the Church.” and sighs deeply.
Fr. Guiseppe shakes his head and shamefacedly gets up from the floor. As soon as the eye disappears Rosa drinks the mug down, refills it and brings it to Father.
Fr. Guiseppe decides it must then be Luigi Rosa’s husband so he approaches him as he is cleaning the church:
“Luigi I haven’t seen you in confession lately.”
Luigi: “Well Father I haven’t had much to confess.”
Fr.: ” Well you know the Sacrament of Confession is very important and you should go. After all you want to set a good example for the parish…etc etc etc” Well finally he persuades him to go to confession. Fr. Enters the booth and Luigi kneels and it begins in an uneventful manor.
“Forgive me father for I have sinned it’s been 8 months since my last confession here are my sins…” and Luigi lists his sins for Father. Fr. waits and waits but nothing involving the wine. Finally he speaks up:
“Luigi are you forgetting something?”
Luigi: “No father I think I got everything.” At this point Fr. gets angry and gets down to it:
“Luigi have you been drinking my wine?”
Nothing.
“Luigi have you been drinking my wine?”
Silence.
Finally Fr. goes over to the other booth.
“Luigi why don’t you answer me?”
Luigi: “Fr. there must be something wrong with the booth I can’t hear a word you are saying.”
Fr: “What do you mean you can’t hear what I’m saying, just come out and admit it you’ve been drinking my wine!”
Luigi: “No Father I really can’t hear you, tell you what, you go in the confessional and I’ll go in your place. You’ll see for yourself.”
So father gets in the confessional and Luigi in in the booth, Luigi speaks up: “Fr. can you hear me?”
Fr: “Yes I can hear you fine.”
Luigi: “Fr. now that you are in there, Fr. have you been kissing my wife?”
Nothing.
Luigi: “Fr have you been kissing my wife?”
Silence.
Fr. gets out of the confessional. “You know Luigi you are right you can’t hear a thing in there.
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